Let Me Fix Healthcare
With both “E.R.” and “Scrubs” airing their final episodes this year it’s about time that President Obama and Congress finally do something about healthcare. Here is my step by step proposal for fixing healthcare.
First, all medical students should be trained as crime fighters. This worked really well in “Diagnosis Murder,” and arresting bad guys just seems so much more fulfilling than telling a patient he or she has a terminal illness.
Second, all taxi cab operators should be trained in the art of giving an epidural before being granted a taxi medallion. How many times have you seen a baby born in a taxi cab? There are fewer taxi cab births than there are grooms being left at the altar, but still.
Third, hospital rooms should have a mini-bar and access to pay per view television. It’s the least they can do.
Fourth, doctors should work with a team of writers to have fresh, witty dialog daily. The writers wouldn’t be allowed to interact with the patients, however.
Fifth, stop guessing. If you don’t know the answer, doctor, just apply the leeches. I hear that really worked.
First, all medical students should be trained as crime fighters. This worked really well in “Diagnosis Murder,” and arresting bad guys just seems so much more fulfilling than telling a patient he or she has a terminal illness.
Second, all taxi cab operators should be trained in the art of giving an epidural before being granted a taxi medallion. How many times have you seen a baby born in a taxi cab? There are fewer taxi cab births than there are grooms being left at the altar, but still.
Third, hospital rooms should have a mini-bar and access to pay per view television. It’s the least they can do.
Fourth, doctors should work with a team of writers to have fresh, witty dialog daily. The writers wouldn’t be allowed to interact with the patients, however.
Fifth, stop guessing. If you don’t know the answer, doctor, just apply the leeches. I hear that really worked.
Labels: healthcare, satire
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