Not with a bang, but with a whimper

Televised sporting events frequently suffer at the hands of major networks that seem more keen to display product tie-ins than they are to show an actual event. The best example of this is Fox's perpetual assault on baseball, from the All Star Game to the World Series.

Last night, I watched my beloved Patriots manhandle the Jets in the final Monday Night Football game ever to play on ABC. As the clock ticked down, and there was still football being played, the ABC crew of Al Michaels and John Madden seemed more intent on paying homage to the people who work behind the scenes. All this was being done, of course, while it had devolved into a game of 40+ quarterbacks taking snaps in a new empty Giants Stadium.

I am certain that I was more than likely one of the few people still awake as ABC kept paying tribute to itself.

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Bush: War on Christmas is Over

Satire

Appearing in front of the White House Christmas tree, President Bush declared major combat operations to have ceased in the war against Christmas. Bush cited the numerous retail clerks who have switched from "Happy Holidays" to "Happy New Year."

"Next year," said Bush, "We can expect those same retail clerks to say, 'Merry Christmas.'"

The president continued to defend secret detention centers for those caught saying, "Happy Holidays." He stated that, "We have good reason to believe that those who say, 'Happy Holidays,' are part of a significant terrorist threat. We aim to reduce that threat."

Democrats plan to wait for the Happy Holidays insurgency to criticize Bush.

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Don't Disrespect the Uniform

Next Holiday Season, UPS drivers should dress in brown Santa Suits.

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Kicking a man when he's down

Every few days, the local job board re-posts two positions with the same company that Verbal Jazz interviewed for. Verbal Jazz was liked so much after interviewing for the first one, that he was asked to come interview for the second. That was six weeks ago...and the company has yet to tell Verbal Jazz that he is not hired.

Another company also neglected to tell Verbal Jazz that he wasn't hired after interviewing for a job.

It's kind of like having a date that you think goes well, but the object of your affection never returns your call.

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Because every second counts

This morning Verbal Jazz walked into the bathroom to discover that a stall occupant was having a telephone conversation on the crapper.

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