Until now, truth seekers have focused on the specifics of where Barack Obama was born. Indeed a noble effort in the seeking of truth. If it were uncovered that he were born in Kenya, that would effectively end the presidency and force John McCain to replace Sarah Palin with Donald Trump just to gain approval.

Speaking of Donald Trump, he bravely took credit in forcing the President to release his – what I will reveal to be an extremely forged – birth certificate.  After careful examination of the evidence, Trump was right to question whether Barack Obama should be President.

After looking closely at the President’s birth certificate, I can tell you it is actually forged from an old check. This means that none other than Frank Abagnale was involved in creating the forgery. Frank may be more familiar to you as Leonardo DiCaprio in the film “Catch Me if You Can.”

Now that we’ve concluded that Frank Abagnale forged the birth certificate, all the pieces fall into place. If one examines the birth certificate closely, and filters it through Photoshop, one can see that the check is made out to one “Doc Brown.” That’s right, Doc Brown from “Back to the Future.” The only expertise on Doc Brown’s resume? Time travel.

Now you may be asking yourself, why is time travel so important?  Because President Obama was brought back to 1961 from the future in order to cover-up a potentially embarrassing pregnancy.

This can only lead to one conclusion – Bristol Palin is really Barack Obama’s mother, and she shipped her baby back to 1961 in a DeLorean with Doc Brown in order to hide the pregnancy! Thus President Obama isn’t really qualified to run for President until 2042 because he is effectively four years old.

My research also reveals that President John F. Kennedy was aware of these visitors from the future, and was murdered by a cyborg named Lee Harvey Oswald in order to protect the secret. Kennedy had the time travelers flown to Hawaii where there would be less chance of press coverage.

In the 2008 election then, the American people chose as president, a four year old who was mean to his own grandmother – Sarah Palin!

I’m risking my own life to bring these truths out to you, now it is up to you to make sure the truth is known.

“This drastically alters the free agent market,” said one competing club executive. The Yankees were expected to make a big splash by signing free agents Cliff Lee or Carl Crawford. “If MLB accepts this offer, then signing those guys would only be to

According to one source the Yankees believe that purchasing the World Series trophy outright would not impact the competitive balance of the league. The Yankees know that third baseman Alex Rodriguez, commonly known as A-Rod, shortstop Derek Jeter and closer Mariano Rivera are not getting any younger. This move is to ensure that these players can play until their mid-forties and early fifties without having to worry about being the best.

MLB is thought to be waiting until the Red Sox submit a low-ball bid before accepting the Yankees offer. The Yankees are hoping to finish the deal by the of the World Series, so they can claim the 2010 trophy.

Santa Clause, Inc., CEO, Santa Claus typically funds his operation through various merchandising and licensing deals. “Seven years old and up has been a market that has disappeared for Santa,” said Krystoff Kerluwicz, noted brand expert.

Sources indicate that Santa’s fundraising group has sent a letter to US President, Barack Obama, and various members of Congress, petitioning for a bailout. Protests have already begun in front of the White House with signs reading, “No Handouts 4 Handouts” and depicting both President Obama and Santa Claus holding a Nazi flag and speaking Arabic.

Senator Robinson Forntner (R-KY) addressed the North Pole Bailout rumors: “What we have here is an operation that has never turned a profit and is engaged in the act of giving all its capital away. Nothing more than Socialism in action!”

Congressman Joel Osnucky (D-OR) suggested that Santa Claus, Inc. will likely have to file for bankruptcy and emerge as a leaner operation. “Part of the issue, is that Santa Claus, Inc. has made too many commitments to provide health care for retired elves and reindeer. The company even paid for Rudolph, the Red Nose Reindeer’s rhinoplasty after installing headlights in Santa’s sleigh.”

It is expected that Congress will move quickly to save Christmas, but it may already be too late.

Please be advised that your physician did not earn a medical degree to “help people,” else he or she would have become a nurse or a teacher. Your physician opted for medical school in order to maximize his or her earning potential. As a patient it is your responsibility to opt for unnecessary procedures in order that your physician is able to support a family, even if those procedures are not covered by this plan.

All visitors to the emergency room will be subject to a credit check. Patients who pass a credit check are offered emergency services at an introductory interest rate of 9.99%. If expenses are not paid in full within an hour of a patient’s release from the hospital, then the interest rate jumps to 29.99% daily and your late payment will be reported to all credit reporting agencies.

Patients failing a credit check will be advised to opt for less expensive home care, but this is contingent upon a family member designated to perform emergency medical procedures, including surgery. Should you fail a credit check and have no family member able to provide emergency services, your coverage will be cancelled.

Coverage may be cancelled for any one of the pre-existing conditions: terminal illness, acne, eczema, high blood pressure, pregnancy, height over 50 inches, height under 49 inches, pregnancy, urination, daily sleeping, voting for president Obama, belief in the public option, dreams about diseases, including, but not limited to the plague, measles, smallpox, ebola, swine flu, H1N1, and, should they come into being H1Nx (where x equals any number of diseases related to swine, cows, or any other mammal), bird flu, Theraflu, or even the fireplace flue.

In order to increase the efficiency of our coverage, terminally ill patients will be brought before a but a firing squad. Since the government has no business in ensuring the health of its people, the firing squad will be selected by your health insurer. As a terminally ill patient, we extend our deepest sympathy to your family, but the fulfillment of any last request is an unnecessary expense and will take money out of our CEO’s bonus. The firing squad is not covered by your coverage, so please make arrangements to have your benefactors pay for the costs incurred.

Sincerely,

Dirk MacGruder, CEO

Your Health Plan