Pluto Now an Election Wedge Issue
Satire
Pluto has gone from ninth planet to mid-term election wedge issue in a matter of two weeks. Ever since the International Astronomers Union declares that Pluto is no longer a planet, Democrats and Republicans have been jockeying for position to introduce legislation that would refer to Pluto as a planet in US textbooks.
“Republicans have never been about inclusion,” said Owen Phillips, Press Officer for Brooke Keller (D-NV). “The Republican Congress allowed the International Astronomers Union to force its definition of planet upon the world. What does that say about how a Republican Congress will stand up to the International terrorist threat? Brooke Keller has promised to introduce legislation that will bring Pluto back as a planet, something the Republican Congress has not done.”
Republicans see the demotion of Pluto differently. “Pluto has been a planet, and always will be a planet,” said Horace Wingate III, a spokesperson for Neal Duncan, a Republican running for Congress in Massachusetts. “The only reason it was demoted from its planetary status is that Democrats threatened to filibuster bills that would not recognize the new status of Pluto. We did it with the Kyoto Protocol; we can do it with Pluto. We will not let a group of renegade scientists dictate environmental policy or planetary status.”
Political analysts see the demotion of Pluto as an issue that can motivate the electorate. Polls show that 82% of voters would be more willing to vote for a candidate who voted to keep Pluto a planet. “Voters really care about this issue,” said Leonard Hastings, a researcher with the Livingston Center for Policy Analysis. “The War in Iraq the War on Terror are abstract ideas to most voters, whereas Pluto’s planetary status threatens the very core of most voters’ upbringings. How many will have to go disassemble their papier mache model of the Solar System?” |
Pluto has gone from ninth planet to mid-term election wedge issue in a matter of two weeks. Ever since the International Astronomers Union declares that Pluto is no longer a planet, Democrats and Republicans have been jockeying for position to introduce legislation that would refer to Pluto as a planet in US textbooks.
“Republicans have never been about inclusion,” said Owen Phillips, Press Officer for Brooke Keller (D-NV). “The Republican Congress allowed the International Astronomers Union to force its definition of planet upon the world. What does that say about how a Republican Congress will stand up to the International terrorist threat? Brooke Keller has promised to introduce legislation that will bring Pluto back as a planet, something the Republican Congress has not done.”
Republicans see the demotion of Pluto differently. “Pluto has been a planet, and always will be a planet,” said Horace Wingate III, a spokesperson for Neal Duncan, a Republican running for Congress in Massachusetts. “The only reason it was demoted from its planetary status is that Democrats threatened to filibuster bills that would not recognize the new status of Pluto. We did it with the Kyoto Protocol; we can do it with Pluto. We will not let a group of renegade scientists dictate environmental policy or planetary status.”
Political analysts see the demotion of Pluto as an issue that can motivate the electorate. Polls show that 82% of voters would be more willing to vote for a candidate who voted to keep Pluto a planet. “Voters really care about this issue,” said Leonard Hastings, a researcher with the Livingston Center for Policy Analysis. “The War in Iraq the War on Terror are abstract ideas to most voters, whereas Pluto’s planetary status threatens the very core of most voters’ upbringings. How many will have to go disassemble their papier mache model of the Solar System?” |
<< Home