Bush pushes for ban on gay boy bands
Satire
Following a report in People magazine that former ‘NSync member Lance Bass is gay, President Bush has called for a Constitutional amendment banning homosexuals in boy bands.
“Boy bands are built upon the union of its boy members and its teenage girl fans, not boys and boy fans,” said the president. “Activist judges have sought to change the definition of boy band. This is a direct violation of the principals on which this foundation of the country was founded.”
Senator Rick Santorum, campaigning to retain his Senate seat, pledged his support of the amendment. “If you allow homosexuals in boy bands, that will lead to bestial bands, and girls will be hanging posters of goats and bulls in their rooms and staring at farms longingly,” said Senator Santorum.
“Citing quote-unquote activist judges is a true red herring,” said Harmon Colsworth a legal expert who specializes in boy bands. “No judge has made any decision on any case debating the validity of a boy band with gay members. It has been a non-issue thus far, and, may I dare say, a misguided attempt to divert attention from the Middle East.” |
Following a report in People magazine that former ‘NSync member Lance Bass is gay, President Bush has called for a Constitutional amendment banning homosexuals in boy bands.
“Boy bands are built upon the union of its boy members and its teenage girl fans, not boys and boy fans,” said the president. “Activist judges have sought to change the definition of boy band. This is a direct violation of the principals on which this foundation of the country was founded.”
Senator Rick Santorum, campaigning to retain his Senate seat, pledged his support of the amendment. “If you allow homosexuals in boy bands, that will lead to bestial bands, and girls will be hanging posters of goats and bulls in their rooms and staring at farms longingly,” said Senator Santorum.
“Citing quote-unquote activist judges is a true red herring,” said Harmon Colsworth a legal expert who specializes in boy bands. “No judge has made any decision on any case debating the validity of a boy band with gay members. It has been a non-issue thus far, and, may I dare say, a misguided attempt to divert attention from the Middle East.” |
<< Home