Coming in 2006: Hurricane Bud Light
Satire
The National Weather Service announced plans today to abandon the practice of using proper first names to identify hurricanes, tropical storms and tropical depressions. Instead tropical storms names will be "open to sponsorship."
"It has come to our attention that the practice of using proper first names for tropical storms and hurricanes has an adverse effect on baby name statistics," said National Weather Service spokesperson Dominick Wyatt. Wyatt cited significant statistical research that found a lower probability of a baby receiving the name of a particularly intense hurricane as key reasons for this change.
The National Weather Service hopes that selling naming rights to tropical storms will help those sponsors increase brand awareness while funding our ongoing research into weather phenomena. Sponsorship rates are based on storm intensity and length of time the storm holds together.
Wyatt would not say if there were any sponsors lined up, but one ad industry executive believes that Anheuser-Busch has signed a deal to sponsor the first ten tropical storms of the season.
Congressional Republicans immediately drafted a bill that would tie tropical storms into recognizable failures of the Democratic Party, including: Tropical Depression Billy Carter, Hurricane Whitewater and Tropical Storm Howard Dean Scream.
It is believed that this new sponsorship initiative will also speed up FEMA response times as the agency seeks to maintain a positive relationship with key sponsors and political donors. |
The National Weather Service announced plans today to abandon the practice of using proper first names to identify hurricanes, tropical storms and tropical depressions. Instead tropical storms names will be "open to sponsorship."
"It has come to our attention that the practice of using proper first names for tropical storms and hurricanes has an adverse effect on baby name statistics," said National Weather Service spokesperson Dominick Wyatt. Wyatt cited significant statistical research that found a lower probability of a baby receiving the name of a particularly intense hurricane as key reasons for this change.
The National Weather Service hopes that selling naming rights to tropical storms will help those sponsors increase brand awareness while funding our ongoing research into weather phenomena. Sponsorship rates are based on storm intensity and length of time the storm holds together.
Wyatt would not say if there were any sponsors lined up, but one ad industry executive believes that Anheuser-Busch has signed a deal to sponsor the first ten tropical storms of the season.
Congressional Republicans immediately drafted a bill that would tie tropical storms into recognizable failures of the Democratic Party, including: Tropical Depression Billy Carter, Hurricane Whitewater and Tropical Storm Howard Dean Scream.
It is believed that this new sponsorship initiative will also speed up FEMA response times as the agency seeks to maintain a positive relationship with key sponsors and political donors. |
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