Only you can prevent flag fires

Now that the House has passed its anti flag burning amendment and the Senate looks to follow, it is imperative that all concerned citizens of the United States of America do their part to alleviate the epidemic that is flag burning. After all a burning flag may smell like the burning of glorious freedom to the trained nose, but to the untrained nose, it smells just like burning cloth.

Here is how you can help:

If you happen to encounter a homeless person on a cold night using a flag for kindling, kindly ask that person if he/she values freedom. Then you may promptly seek the arrest of that homeless person.

Do you know who the potential flag burners in your neighborhood are? It is imperative that you find out. We suggest you look for these telltale signs: drinks wine, does not follow sports, rides a bicycle instead of driving, does not eat meat. Please note, these are only some of the signs. If you encounter any other signs of a flag-burner, please let us know.

Do not let your flag near your grill: this is an accident waiting to happen. Besides grilled flag does nothing to enhance the flavor of a nice juicy steak.

Cover your flag with a flame retardant chemical in order to avoid any accidents that may occur while leaving a four-year-old alone with a book of matches and your flag. Think man!

If you are a firefighter, please keep all flags out of burning buildings. If you should perish in the fire, you wouldn't want word to get out that your last act was one of flag desecration.

Finally, you should carry a fire extinguisher with you at all times, should you come across a potential flag burning. Even though you may not be the perpetrator, your refusal to do nothing about it could make you an accessory.

|