A Pyrrhic Victory still goes in the win column! A Democratic memo on the filibuster compromise

Satire

Dear Colleague,

As you well know, we have managed to work together with Republicans to reach a compromise that allows us to maintain the judicial filibuster, but only in extreme cases. Here, we have collected the most salient points to help you understand how this compromise will help us, as Democrats, achieve our long-term goals.

* A victory is a victory, no matter how Pyrrhic. In fact, most people will have no clue what a Pyrrhic victory is as you say: "I am proud my colleagues achieved this significant Pyrrhic victory."

* We retained the right to filibuster, but only on the most extreme nominees. For our purposes, we will only attempt to block only those nominees who have openly: displayed affection for Adolph Hitler, questioned the real need for the First Amendment, or attempt to get to permanently install a Ten Commandments monument. Based on poll numbers, we may slide on the Ten Commandments.

* Remember the Christian right! As part of this compromise we hope to garner a percentage of the evangelical vote in 2006. As we have seen, this is a very important group of citizens. Our compromise on the judiciary should let them know that we are very concerned about issues that effect them.

* But don't forget our base! Our core voters are not at all impressed with Priscilla Owen. While Judge Owen she may have some unpopular opinions with our traditional constituency, she never claimed an obvious love for Hitler. Besides, granting and Appellate Court judgeship to Judge Owen was the key to our Pyrrhic victory! Celebrate Judge Owen!

* We can still filibuster Supreme Court nominees! Now that Rehnquist is ready to retire, we can make sure that the President doesn't try to give us another Robert Bork! It will be a fine line to walk, but we will maintain our solid commitment to a woman's right to choose in the following cases: rape, incest, or genetic testing that proves the fetus has homosexual tendencies. Remember the Christian right!

Jesus Bless,

Ben

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