Memo: White House makes suggestions to Newsweek
Satire
MEMORANDUM
TO: Mark Whitaker, Editor, Newsweek
FROM: Scott McLellan, White House Press Secretary
Mark:
We were very pleased to hear that you have retracted the story concerning the flushing of the Koran (or Qur'an) down the toilet at the Guantanamo Bay terrorist prison facility. As you know, we take very seriously such allegations.
Your apology is not merely enough, however. Not that we are trying to tell you what to do, but I have here a series of suggestions for ways that Newsweek may redeem itself in the wake of this scandal. Remember, it is your credibility as a news organization that is on the line here.
Be reminded, we are considering legal action against Mr. Isikoff, including treason and accessory to murder. Be advised that if convicted, Mr. Isikoff could potentially face the death penalty. This is just a reminder, not a threat. |
TO: Mark Whitaker, Editor, Newsweek
FROM: Scott McLellan, White House Press Secretary
Mark:
We were very pleased to hear that you have retracted the story concerning the flushing of the Koran (or Qur'an) down the toilet at the Guantanamo Bay terrorist prison facility. As you know, we take very seriously such allegations.
Your apology is not merely enough, however. Not that we are trying to tell you what to do, but I have here a series of suggestions for ways that Newsweek may redeem itself in the wake of this scandal. Remember, it is your credibility as a news organization that is on the line here.
1. Run the enclosed piece by popular journalist Armstrong Williams about life at Guantanamo Bay. As an independent journalist, Mr. Williams would be able to uncover the truth in this matter.
2. Have Jeff Gannon cover this scandal. Gannon is a former member of the White House press corps, and I can personally vouch for his fairness and journalistic credentials.
3. Propose that the journalist at fault, Mr. Isikoff, be photographed flushing that particular issue down the toilet.
4. Choose a White House approved columnist to cover any of the following issues: judicial filibusters, intelligent design theory, how we are winning the war on terror, Social Security reform. I might suggest Mr. Williams for any of these topics.
Be reminded, we are considering legal action against Mr. Isikoff, including treason and accessory to murder. Be advised that if convicted, Mr. Isikoff could potentially face the death penalty. This is just a reminder, not a threat. |
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