Cheney wins in Appeals Court
Satire
Vice President Cheney scored a major victory yesterday in a long running battle against his doctors. The Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia unanimously ruled that the Vice President does not have to disclose his eating habits to his medical team. Two doctors on Cheney's medical team, Phil Downs, M.D. and Jeffrey Meadows, M.D. have grown increasingly concerned about the Vice President's eating habits. With the introduction of twelve nutritional pyramid schemes, the doctors sought to ascertain whether Cheney's eating habits fit into the strict guidelines they set up.
Lyle Sherman, attorney for plaintiffs, expressed disappointment over the ruling. "Obviously my clients are very concerned about Vice President Cheney's health and want to be sure that he is following the strict dietary guidelines that my clients laid out for him in the wake of severe coronary issues. Now that we have twelve new food pyramids, it is more critical than ever that we ensure the Vice President is pursuing the path of greatest health."
Marisol Bouchard, spokesperson for Vice President Cheney, hailed the ruling as a victory. "Obviously, the Vice President would not seek to further harm his body, but what the Vice President eats is a highly classified matter of national security. If his doctors knew about the Vice President's eating habits then who's to say that terrorists won't gain access to that information?"
It is expected that Sean Hannity will smackdown Doctors Downs and Meadows as anti-American liberals on the Fox News Channel this evening. |
Vice President Cheney scored a major victory yesterday in a long running battle against his doctors. The Circuit Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia unanimously ruled that the Vice President does not have to disclose his eating habits to his medical team. Two doctors on Cheney's medical team, Phil Downs, M.D. and Jeffrey Meadows, M.D. have grown increasingly concerned about the Vice President's eating habits. With the introduction of twelve nutritional pyramid schemes, the doctors sought to ascertain whether Cheney's eating habits fit into the strict guidelines they set up.
Lyle Sherman, attorney for plaintiffs, expressed disappointment over the ruling. "Obviously my clients are very concerned about Vice President Cheney's health and want to be sure that he is following the strict dietary guidelines that my clients laid out for him in the wake of severe coronary issues. Now that we have twelve new food pyramids, it is more critical than ever that we ensure the Vice President is pursuing the path of greatest health."
Marisol Bouchard, spokesperson for Vice President Cheney, hailed the ruling as a victory. "Obviously, the Vice President would not seek to further harm his body, but what the Vice President eats is a highly classified matter of national security. If his doctors knew about the Vice President's eating habits then who's to say that terrorists won't gain access to that information?"
It is expected that Sean Hannity will smackdown Doctors Downs and Meadows as anti-American liberals on the Fox News Channel this evening. |
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