Bolton is the victim of anti-moustache bias, says group
Satire
John Bolton, President Bush's nominee to be ambassador to the United Nations, has encountered plenty of resistance to his nomination. Thus far, the main arguments against the Bolton nomination have centered on his impolitic criticism of the UN as an institution as well as an aggressive management style. One group, however, believes that the real objection to Bolton centers concerns his moustache.
Marcus Jenkins of American Moustaches for Truth and Liberty (AMTAL) believes he has an airtight argument in the opposition to Mr. Bolton for the UN post. "Just look at the list of [Bolton's] opponents: Senator Kennedy: clean shaven; Senator Voinovich: clean shaven; Senator Boxer: we know that she never cared for 'Magnum, P.I.' or 'Welcome Back Kotter,' or Barry Bonds in his days with the Pittsburgh Pirates."
Jenkins and AMTAL are not just out to prove that Bolton's troubles are moustache related. Today, AMTAL is kicking off a nation-wide campaign to tackle anti-moustache bias, known as "moustachisism." AMTAL has lined up a list of celebrities and sports figures to speak out against "moustachism." At the kick off press conference, actor Tom Selleck discussed his problems finding work after "Magnum, P.I." "They never said it outright, but I knew the moustache was a problem...then I shaved it to do 'In & Out' which was a double emasculation for me."
Jeopardy host Alex Trebek also recounted, with tears in his eyes, how he was forced to shve his moustache in order to appeal to a younger demographic. "Imagine dealing with Ken Jennings night after night with a naked face," said Trebek.
Tom Selleck plans to tour with baseball legend Rollie Fingers to bring AMTAL's message to America. Their first stop will be to the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. to deliver a petition to the US Senate urging them to instate Bolton as UN Ambassador despite his moustache. |
John Bolton, President Bush's nominee to be ambassador to the United Nations, has encountered plenty of resistance to his nomination. Thus far, the main arguments against the Bolton nomination have centered on his impolitic criticism of the UN as an institution as well as an aggressive management style. One group, however, believes that the real objection to Bolton centers concerns his moustache.
Marcus Jenkins of American Moustaches for Truth and Liberty (AMTAL) believes he has an airtight argument in the opposition to Mr. Bolton for the UN post. "Just look at the list of [Bolton's] opponents: Senator Kennedy: clean shaven; Senator Voinovich: clean shaven; Senator Boxer: we know that she never cared for 'Magnum, P.I.' or 'Welcome Back Kotter,' or Barry Bonds in his days with the Pittsburgh Pirates."
Jenkins and AMTAL are not just out to prove that Bolton's troubles are moustache related. Today, AMTAL is kicking off a nation-wide campaign to tackle anti-moustache bias, known as "moustachisism." AMTAL has lined up a list of celebrities and sports figures to speak out against "moustachism." At the kick off press conference, actor Tom Selleck discussed his problems finding work after "Magnum, P.I." "They never said it outright, but I knew the moustache was a problem...then I shaved it to do 'In & Out' which was a double emasculation for me."
Jeopardy host Alex Trebek also recounted, with tears in his eyes, how he was forced to shve his moustache in order to appeal to a younger demographic. "Imagine dealing with Ken Jennings night after night with a naked face," said Trebek.
Tom Selleck plans to tour with baseball legend Rollie Fingers to bring AMTAL's message to America. Their first stop will be to the Capitol Building in Washington, D.C. to deliver a petition to the US Senate urging them to instate Bolton as UN Ambassador despite his moustache. |
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