Tom Delay applies for Pope vacancy

Satire

Sources inside the Vatican confirm that US Congressional Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX) has submitted a resume and cover letter to the Vatican in hopes of securing an interview regarding the recently vacated Pope position.

In his cover letter, Delay cited his ability to crush the opposition, demand absolute obedience and ignore his own complicity in corruption. Delay also claims to have been celibate for sometime, posing the philosophical question: "Would you fuck an asshole like me even if I paid you?"

Delays dream of becoming Pope were dealt a setback as the Vatican sent the following response:

Dear Mr. Delay:

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding our Pope opening. While your credentials are indeed outstanding, we do not feel you meet the necessary qualifications for the position at this time. We will keep your resume on file for one year in the event that we do have any openings that meet your skills and experience. If you wish to reapply for this position in the future, we suggest you join the Catholic faith and become an ordained priest.

Best of luck in your search,

Most Rev. Bruno Magli
Bishop of Cordovan

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