Survivor: Vatican
My name is Chris and I'm a recovering Catholic. I entered a twelve-step program (Catholics Anonymous) ten years into this most recent papacy and haven't looked back since. My knees are thankful. Now that Pope John Paul II has passed on that pretty much qualifies me to say nothing about papal succession.
This new period between popes has taken on the air of a Super Bowl postgame and pregame show. The next time you check in to see how the media is covering the events leading up to Pope John Paul II's funeral you just might see his vital stats: # masses officiated, # receiving Communion from him directly, # countries visited, etc.
Don't be surprised if the networks try to come at Papal succession from a new, reality TV influenced angle. Think "Survivor: Vatican" as cameras unmask all the cloak and dagger deception that comes along with a bunch of celibate men in funny clothes deciding on a new leader for millions of followers. The final, white smoke moment will be broadcast Live as Donald Trump tells Cardinal so-and-so, "You're hired."
The Cardinals might not go for that thing, however. The next Pope does have important things to do, such as asserting that Jesus wouldn't approve of the latex condom. If only there existed Lifestyles ribbed in the year 32 AD, we might have a better understanding of this thorny issue. Something tells me that Jesus wouldn't have gone far out of his way to protect a pedophile apostle, but then we don't have the reporters' notes from any of the original Gospels.
All of this really belies the main challenge facing the next pope: can he (yes, it will be a he) get Sinead O'Connor to rip up his picture on Saturday Night Live? |
This new period between popes has taken on the air of a Super Bowl postgame and pregame show. The next time you check in to see how the media is covering the events leading up to Pope John Paul II's funeral you just might see his vital stats: # masses officiated, # receiving Communion from him directly, # countries visited, etc.
Don't be surprised if the networks try to come at Papal succession from a new, reality TV influenced angle. Think "Survivor: Vatican" as cameras unmask all the cloak and dagger deception that comes along with a bunch of celibate men in funny clothes deciding on a new leader for millions of followers. The final, white smoke moment will be broadcast Live as Donald Trump tells Cardinal so-and-so, "You're hired."
The Cardinals might not go for that thing, however. The next Pope does have important things to do, such as asserting that Jesus wouldn't approve of the latex condom. If only there existed Lifestyles ribbed in the year 32 AD, we might have a better understanding of this thorny issue. Something tells me that Jesus wouldn't have gone far out of his way to protect a pedophile apostle, but then we don't have the reporters' notes from any of the original Gospels.
All of this really belies the main challenge facing the next pope: can he (yes, it will be a he) get Sinead O'Connor to rip up his picture on Saturday Night Live? |
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