Meet the New Pope
In a surprising development a male European Roman Catholic Cardinal has been selected as the new pope. Many non-Catholics were hoping that the new pope would come from a different theological strain such as Hindu, Atheist or Unitarian. It just goes to show that the Catholic Church is not an equal opportunity employer, or even a democracy.
The selection of Joseph Ratzinger as Pope Benedict XVI took relatively no time at all. Explaining it to those who think the guy who played Cliffy the mailman on "Cheers" is now the pope may take a bit longer. One might think that the Cardinals, locked away in a $20 million hotel facility might have taken a bit longer to announce their decision. Then again, one can understand the Cardinals wanting to get back to their email and cell phones: "Dude, what's up...? Say Vespers yet...? Cool, yeah, we just selected a new pope. You in the middle of saying mass or something? I'll check back with ya later."
For those raised on John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI is definitely not a rock star. He's more like Lawrence Welk, a bandleader with no swing. Just look at his name -- it's derivative. Ratzinger could have gone in a new direction, say Pope John Paul Pius I or Pope Bono. He is also old school when it comes to contraception, homosexuality and abortion. In other words condom using Catholics who use sex for recreation not procreation are still in line at the cafeteria waiting for a Jelly Sandwich on pita bread. A seventy-eight year old man who has spent the better part of his life practicing celibacy isn't going to go back on that now.
It would all be a bit easier if Jesus came back every few years or so to hold a press conference on these matters. This guy supposedly rose from the dead and he can't check in with his followers every now and then to keep them in line? That would be one hell of a news break: "Jesus Christ's publicist has announced that Jesus will give a one hour press conference this afternoon on the following topics: Terri Schiavo, contraception, homosexuality and the war in Iraq." There is nothing like getting it straight from the source. |
The selection of Joseph Ratzinger as Pope Benedict XVI took relatively no time at all. Explaining it to those who think the guy who played Cliffy the mailman on "Cheers" is now the pope may take a bit longer. One might think that the Cardinals, locked away in a $20 million hotel facility might have taken a bit longer to announce their decision. Then again, one can understand the Cardinals wanting to get back to their email and cell phones: "Dude, what's up...? Say Vespers yet...? Cool, yeah, we just selected a new pope. You in the middle of saying mass or something? I'll check back with ya later."
For those raised on John Paul II, Pope Benedict XVI is definitely not a rock star. He's more like Lawrence Welk, a bandleader with no swing. Just look at his name -- it's derivative. Ratzinger could have gone in a new direction, say Pope John Paul Pius I or Pope Bono. He is also old school when it comes to contraception, homosexuality and abortion. In other words condom using Catholics who use sex for recreation not procreation are still in line at the cafeteria waiting for a Jelly Sandwich on pita bread. A seventy-eight year old man who has spent the better part of his life practicing celibacy isn't going to go back on that now.
It would all be a bit easier if Jesus came back every few years or so to hold a press conference on these matters. This guy supposedly rose from the dead and he can't check in with his followers every now and then to keep them in line? That would be one hell of a news break: "Jesus Christ's publicist has announced that Jesus will give a one hour press conference this afternoon on the following topics: Terri Schiavo, contraception, homosexuality and the war in Iraq." There is nothing like getting it straight from the source. |
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