Senate launches investigation into use of performance enhancing chemicals in music industry
Satire
Emboldened by their investigation into the Major League Baseball Steroids Scandal, the US Senate has called a special commission to investigate the musical recording industry for frequent violations in the area of performance enhancing recreational medications. At issue is whether or not some of "the greatest music of all time" was composed in an altered state which gave the artists in question an unfair advantage in the marketplace.
"We're just trying to get the facts here," said Senator John McCain (R-AZ). "People buy records from these people, t-shirts, identify with the band members. The American people need to know whether their heroes were on drugs at the time."
The controversy surrounds a number of bands, most notably The Beatles, whom it is believed composed much of their music, including their album "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" while under the influence of mind altering drugs such as marijuana and LSD.
Among those subpoenaed to appear before the Senate are the surviving members of The Beatles, Nirvana, The Velvet Underground, and Pat Boone. Boone has already agreed to testify before the commission while former Beatle Paul McCartney has not, citing the fact that Sergeant Pepper and all other Beatles albums in question were recorded at Abbey Road Studios in England.
"It could very well be that mind altering substances used by the Beatles and other musical acts created an unfair advantage in the marketplace," said Senate Majority leader Bill Frist (R-TN). "We intend to find that out. Drugs are no substitute for artistic achievements from people like Pat Boone and Jim Nabors."
"The effect of these hearings could be far reaching," said music historian Joel F. Leech. "The Bebop era of Jazz and the entire late 1960s through early 70s era of Rock n Roll could become completely meaningless. So long Coltran, Bird, Miles, Hendrix and Bob Dylan."
Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney also decided to address the issue with reporters, "It would be just like the people in this state to listen to the music of drug taking degenerates who want to destroy family and marriage...but I am not yet running for president."
The RIAA has until Thursday to forward results of their drug testing program to the US Senate. |
Emboldened by their investigation into the Major League Baseball Steroids Scandal, the US Senate has called a special commission to investigate the musical recording industry for frequent violations in the area of performance enhancing recreational medications. At issue is whether or not some of "the greatest music of all time" was composed in an altered state which gave the artists in question an unfair advantage in the marketplace.
"We're just trying to get the facts here," said Senator John McCain (R-AZ). "People buy records from these people, t-shirts, identify with the band members. The American people need to know whether their heroes were on drugs at the time."
The controversy surrounds a number of bands, most notably The Beatles, whom it is believed composed much of their music, including their album "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" while under the influence of mind altering drugs such as marijuana and LSD.
Among those subpoenaed to appear before the Senate are the surviving members of The Beatles, Nirvana, The Velvet Underground, and Pat Boone. Boone has already agreed to testify before the commission while former Beatle Paul McCartney has not, citing the fact that Sergeant Pepper and all other Beatles albums in question were recorded at Abbey Road Studios in England.
"It could very well be that mind altering substances used by the Beatles and other musical acts created an unfair advantage in the marketplace," said Senate Majority leader Bill Frist (R-TN). "We intend to find that out. Drugs are no substitute for artistic achievements from people like Pat Boone and Jim Nabors."
"The effect of these hearings could be far reaching," said music historian Joel F. Leech. "The Bebop era of Jazz and the entire late 1960s through early 70s era of Rock n Roll could become completely meaningless. So long Coltran, Bird, Miles, Hendrix and Bob Dylan."
Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney also decided to address the issue with reporters, "It would be just like the people in this state to listen to the music of drug taking degenerates who want to destroy family and marriage...but I am not yet running for president."
The RIAA has until Thursday to forward results of their drug testing program to the US Senate. |
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