Bush White House fails to recognize New England victory
President Bush has invited the "World Champion Philadelphia Eagles" to the White House to celebrate their "Super Bowl victory" despite overwhelming evidence that the New England Patriots won the game and are the actual champions.
Speaking to reporters this afternoon, White House press secretary Scott McLellan asserted that the president is aware that the New England Patriots scored more points, but that the true winner of the contest was the Eagles. The Department of Defense also released a statement throwing its support behind the President. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice speaking from The Vatican said, "How can anyone who watched that game not come to the conclusion that Philadelphia did win? We are calling on the New England Patriots to relinquish the Lombardi trophy or else face grave consequences."
Conservative commentators immediately threw their support behind the administration on this issue. Anne Coulter appeared on "Hannity and Colmes" to decry the "liberal media conspiracy" that would have a Massachusetts football team winning the Super Bowl three times in the last four years. "This is the land of Teddy Kennedy and gay marriage; who are they to call themselves 'patriots' anyway? They should be stripped of any achievements until they come in line with the rest of the country."
Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly echoed Coulter's comments. "Who are these so called New England Patriots?" Bill O'Reilly asked his guest, football columnist George Sanry of the New Jersey Sun. Sanry's response, "Super Bowl Champions," was immediately cut off by O'Reilly, who told his guest to "just shut up!" O'Reilly then referred the Patriots as "A group of thugs who won't give up the trophy that they stole."
Former football commentator Rush Limbaugh also agreed that the Eagles won the game but made sure to note that the Eagles' claim to the Lombardi Trophy is, in no way, connected to the play of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb. "The liberal media is totally giving McNabb a pass on those three interceptions and blaming the Eagles' coach a fine, upstanding overweight white man, for poor clock management in the fourth quarter," said Limbaugh.
Democrats immediately leapt to the defense of the Patriots. "This is clearly a strategy to move key votes to the GOP in an important battleground state like Pennsylvania," said Howard Dean, who is running for the chair of the Democratic National Committee. Dean refused to scream for the cameras.
The White House also derided the NFL's use of Roman numerals as intellectual snobbery and urges the American people to go ahead and use plain ol' Arabic numerals, which will soon be rechristened "American Numerals" in order to prevent the terrorists from winning.
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Speaking to reporters this afternoon, White House press secretary Scott McLellan asserted that the president is aware that the New England Patriots scored more points, but that the true winner of the contest was the Eagles. The Department of Defense also released a statement throwing its support behind the President. Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice speaking from The Vatican said, "How can anyone who watched that game not come to the conclusion that Philadelphia did win? We are calling on the New England Patriots to relinquish the Lombardi trophy or else face grave consequences."
Conservative commentators immediately threw their support behind the administration on this issue. Anne Coulter appeared on "Hannity and Colmes" to decry the "liberal media conspiracy" that would have a Massachusetts football team winning the Super Bowl three times in the last four years. "This is the land of Teddy Kennedy and gay marriage; who are they to call themselves 'patriots' anyway? They should be stripped of any achievements until they come in line with the rest of the country."
Fox News commentator Bill O'Reilly echoed Coulter's comments. "Who are these so called New England Patriots?" Bill O'Reilly asked his guest, football columnist George Sanry of the New Jersey Sun. Sanry's response, "Super Bowl Champions," was immediately cut off by O'Reilly, who told his guest to "just shut up!" O'Reilly then referred the Patriots as "A group of thugs who won't give up the trophy that they stole."
Former football commentator Rush Limbaugh also agreed that the Eagles won the game but made sure to note that the Eagles' claim to the Lombardi Trophy is, in no way, connected to the play of Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb. "The liberal media is totally giving McNabb a pass on those three interceptions and blaming the Eagles' coach a fine, upstanding overweight white man, for poor clock management in the fourth quarter," said Limbaugh.
Democrats immediately leapt to the defense of the Patriots. "This is clearly a strategy to move key votes to the GOP in an important battleground state like Pennsylvania," said Howard Dean, who is running for the chair of the Democratic National Committee. Dean refused to scream for the cameras.
The White House also derided the NFL's use of Roman numerals as intellectual snobbery and urges the American people to go ahead and use plain ol' Arabic numerals, which will soon be rechristened "American Numerals" in order to prevent the terrorists from winning.
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