Tom Ridge wants to explore options
Tom Ridge, Secretary of the Department of Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid (a.k.a. Homeland Security), announced his resignation yesterday citing his boredom with toggling between only yellow and orange security levels.
"Just once I would like to kick that puppy on up to red, I mean just for kicks, bit because there is an imminent threat," said Secretary Ridge. "Okay, I would settle for kicking that puppy down to blue or green. I just want to explore the options on that color chart."
Asked what he would miss most about the post that he created Ridge sited the ability to frighten Americans with vague references to terrorist threats. "Fucking with people like that is real power," said Ridge.
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"Just once I would like to kick that puppy on up to red, I mean just for kicks, bit because there is an imminent threat," said Secretary Ridge. "Okay, I would settle for kicking that puppy down to blue or green. I just want to explore the options on that color chart."
Asked what he would miss most about the post that he created Ridge sited the ability to frighten Americans with vague references to terrorist threats. "Fucking with people like that is real power," said Ridge.
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