French judge to be investigated

After his decisive defeat in the first Presidential Debate last Thursday, President Bush's campaign team is calling for an investigation of the French judge as well as the entire debate judging process. Speaking to reporters, Bush advisor Karen Hughes said, "It is clear that there are irregularities in the deciding who wins these debates, irregularities that demand an investigation." Hughes then alluded to rumors that the French judge was paid to give the President a lower score in order to boost John Kerry's standing in the polls. Hughes blamed the media, for "showing the President's reactions [to Kerry in the debate] out of context." When asked to clarify what she meant by out of context, McClellan said that "by posing questions like that it seems the media are hoping the president loses this election."

President Bush also addressed the issue on the campaign trail. "It is clear to me that we were showing steadfast resolve, not bored arrogance," said the President who is on the campaign trail. "There are some out there that think we need a global test to see who won the debate, to them I say, it doesn't matter how the French judge rated my performance."

To correct further inequities in debate postmortem judging, the administration is working with Congressman Tom DeLay (R-TX) to draft legislation that would grant only Fox News the rights to broadcast and show footage of Presidential debates and to ensure that those debates will be moderated by Bill O'Reilly "in order to ensure a fair and balanced debate process."

When asked for his thoughts on this latest controversy, Senator Kerry merely said, "Dans votre visage!"

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