Hurricane Preparation Guide
With the third major hurricane scheduled to hit Florida in the past five weeks, Verbal Jazz would like to offer a few tips from our "Hurricane Preparation Guide."
You may notice a slight uptick in songs relating to hurricanes. Examples are "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions and "Like a Hurricane" by Neil Young. This is to be expected, as most radio programming managers are correct in assuming that their listeners are dumb enough to think that is funny.
Since this latest storm is named Ivan, expect plenty of newspaper headlines reading "Ivan the Terrible." The real Ivan the Terrible lived in Russia.
Expect another visit from the President after the fact. Don't expect that pussy to wait out the storm like his brother, Jeb, your governor.
If you believe the large number of hurricanes is the wrath of god, take a deep breath. If this were the case, those heathens in Massachusetts would be under ten meters of water right now.
If you still believe that it is the wrath of god and are hellbent on proclaiming the apocalypse, there are a few possible reasons that god is mad at you:
1. Disney World
2. Disenfranchisement of minority voters
3. The Florida Marlins two World Series wins
4. Climate change (Global Warming re-branded) has created volatile weather patterns that create increasingly powerful and unpredictable storms.
The best way to avoid future hurricanes is to vote for Bush/Cheney because a vote for Kerry/Edwards is vote for more hurricanes. Oh, and terrorists. Hurricanes and terrorists are both bad and need to be stopped.
This has been a public service announcement from Verbal Jazz. |
You may notice a slight uptick in songs relating to hurricanes. Examples are "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by Scorpions and "Like a Hurricane" by Neil Young. This is to be expected, as most radio programming managers are correct in assuming that their listeners are dumb enough to think that is funny.
Since this latest storm is named Ivan, expect plenty of newspaper headlines reading "Ivan the Terrible." The real Ivan the Terrible lived in Russia.
Expect another visit from the President after the fact. Don't expect that pussy to wait out the storm like his brother, Jeb, your governor.
If you believe the large number of hurricanes is the wrath of god, take a deep breath. If this were the case, those heathens in Massachusetts would be under ten meters of water right now.
If you still believe that it is the wrath of god and are hellbent on proclaiming the apocalypse, there are a few possible reasons that god is mad at you:
1. Disney World
2. Disenfranchisement of minority voters
3. The Florida Marlins two World Series wins
4. Climate change (Global Warming re-branded) has created volatile weather patterns that create increasingly powerful and unpredictable storms.
The best way to avoid future hurricanes is to vote for Bush/Cheney because a vote for Kerry/Edwards is vote for more hurricanes. Oh, and terrorists. Hurricanes and terrorists are both bad and need to be stopped.
This has been a public service announcement from Verbal Jazz. |
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