A debate primer for the undecided voter
Congratulations! You are an undecided voter and, if you live in a "battleground" state both of the Presidential candidates are trying to reach out to you. Tonight the candidates will spend most of their time talking about issues that are tangential to the campaign, specifically terrorism and international affairs. Booooring!
The real issue is: who seems more presidential? To that end Verbal Jazz has constructed a series of questions that will help you score tonight's debate.
Did either candidate appear to be visibly sweating? -4 points
Did either candidate flub a response and have to start again? -3 points; +1 point for each point the candidate makes after tripping.
Did you understand the candidate's response to a question? +5 Yes; -10 No
Did you disagree with a candidate's response? Even, the issues aren't all that important.
Did the candidate engage in verbal obfuscation in order to appropriately diminish the appearance of prevarication? -15; "Huh?" +12
Did the candidate excessively bob his head in a futile attempt to convince himself and the American public of his own bullshit? -20
I like his wife better: +35
He seems like the kind of guy I could hang out with: +60
Okay, now tally your scorecard. Take the winning candidate and subtract enough points to put both candidates in a tie. Now, when a pollster calls to ask if you, an undecided voter has made a decision, you can continue to feel the love. On November 2 you now have two choices: stay home because your lack political knowledge is a liability in this election...or flip a coin. You might even flip a coin to make the decision of whether to stay home or vote on November 2. Better make it best 3 out of 5 just to be sure.
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The real issue is: who seems more presidential? To that end Verbal Jazz has constructed a series of questions that will help you score tonight's debate.
Did either candidate appear to be visibly sweating? -4 points
Did either candidate flub a response and have to start again? -3 points; +1 point for each point the candidate makes after tripping.
Did you understand the candidate's response to a question? +5 Yes; -10 No
Did you disagree with a candidate's response? Even, the issues aren't all that important.
Did the candidate engage in verbal obfuscation in order to appropriately diminish the appearance of prevarication? -15; "Huh?" +12
Did the candidate excessively bob his head in a futile attempt to convince himself and the American public of his own bullshit? -20
I like his wife better: +35
He seems like the kind of guy I could hang out with: +60
Okay, now tally your scorecard. Take the winning candidate and subtract enough points to put both candidates in a tie. Now, when a pollster calls to ask if you, an undecided voter has made a decision, you can continue to feel the love. On November 2 you now have two choices: stay home because your lack political knowledge is a liability in this election...or flip a coin. You might even flip a coin to make the decision of whether to stay home or vote on November 2. Better make it best 3 out of 5 just to be sure.
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