Bush declares that "Osama" will speak at Democratic National Convention, puts nation on Red Alert

Fresh from the humiliating defeat of his attempt to defeat gay marriage, President Bush declared that he was recently informed by Vice President Dick Cheney that Osama bin Laden is planning to speak at the Democratic National Convention. President Bush immediately had the Department of Homeland Security declare red alert.

It was later pointed out to the President that the speaker is Barack Obama, a Democratic candidate for Senator in Illinois. Bush declared: "Our best intelligence states that Osama bin Laden is planning to speak at the Convention in Boston and our resolve will not diminish. Whoever speaks at that convention is an enemy to freedom and we must act quickly and decisively."

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