Guest Editorial - Horace T. Winwax
Reducing Tree Pollution
There is a gathering environmental threat that must be dealt with immediately before it sweeps this land - and it is not what you think: not smog, or acid rain, or even that supposed hole in the ozone layer. That threat is the annual pollen pollution caused by trees every spring.
Every spring I, and many other seasonal allergy sufferers, have to deal with the daily head clogging abundance of tree pollen in the air. If my experience serves as proof, the emissions posed by combustion engines pose less of a threat to the overall health of this nation than does tree pollen. I am forever blowing my nose, my head hurts when I bend over, I sneeze about a hundred times a day, and my car is covered with the fine dust of tree pollen every morning forcing me drive in my own nasal death trap.
While it may seem that my seasonal allergies are something that I simply have to live with, there is one easy solution: clear cutting. Through clear cutting our nation's forests will no longer pose an environmental threat. Through clear cutting, we can ensure that those suffering from seasonal allergies will have access to the cleanest air possible. Through clear cutting, we can take charge of our business climate and ensure that there are no drop offs in productivity caused by seasonal allergy attacks. Through clear cutting the timber industry could become a growth sector. Through clear cutting we can also reduce those forest fires that threaten our homes.
Now, some of you may argue that trees take in carbon dioxide and produce the oxygen we need to breathe - to which I say that you are a namby-pamby, tree-hugging, arboreal apologist - and most likely a terrorist to boot. That's right, you, Mr. Tree Hugger and bin-Laden are both nature boys, aren't you, he lives in the mountains and you worship trees.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that trees are evil incarnate and must be eliminated immediately. Without trees, our air will be cleaner and more breathable than ever before, and that would be a breath of fresh air.
Horace T. Winwax is chairman of the board for the Clear Cutting Society of America. His views do not necessarily reflect those of Verbal Jazz. |
Reducing Tree Pollution
There is a gathering environmental threat that must be dealt with immediately before it sweeps this land - and it is not what you think: not smog, or acid rain, or even that supposed hole in the ozone layer. That threat is the annual pollen pollution caused by trees every spring.
Every spring I, and many other seasonal allergy sufferers, have to deal with the daily head clogging abundance of tree pollen in the air. If my experience serves as proof, the emissions posed by combustion engines pose less of a threat to the overall health of this nation than does tree pollen. I am forever blowing my nose, my head hurts when I bend over, I sneeze about a hundred times a day, and my car is covered with the fine dust of tree pollen every morning forcing me drive in my own nasal death trap.
While it may seem that my seasonal allergies are something that I simply have to live with, there is one easy solution: clear cutting. Through clear cutting our nation's forests will no longer pose an environmental threat. Through clear cutting, we can ensure that those suffering from seasonal allergies will have access to the cleanest air possible. Through clear cutting, we can take charge of our business climate and ensure that there are no drop offs in productivity caused by seasonal allergy attacks. Through clear cutting the timber industry could become a growth sector. Through clear cutting we can also reduce those forest fires that threaten our homes.
Now, some of you may argue that trees take in carbon dioxide and produce the oxygen we need to breathe - to which I say that you are a namby-pamby, tree-hugging, arboreal apologist - and most likely a terrorist to boot. That's right, you, Mr. Tree Hugger and bin-Laden are both nature boys, aren't you, he lives in the mountains and you worship trees.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that trees are evil incarnate and must be eliminated immediately. Without trees, our air will be cleaner and more breathable than ever before, and that would be a breath of fresh air.
Horace T. Winwax is chairman of the board for the Clear Cutting Society of America. His views do not necessarily reflect those of Verbal Jazz. |
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