Verbal Jazz Highlights and Low Notes
(What follows in this post is this week's version of the Weekly Newsletter. Just think, all this delivered right to your in-box on a weekly basis. Sign up there on the left. Don't you want to?)
+++++++
Verbal Jazz hopes everyone had a Happy Easter. And Speaking of Easter: Holy (literal and figurative) Fertility Symbols! Resurrection, Eggs, Bunnies. You gotta love any Holiday that is planned around the Vernal Equinox: yes, Easter occurs on the first Sunday after the first full moon, after the Vernal Equinox. And you thought paganism was dead! Verbal jazz would like to switch Halloween to the first Tuesday after the first new moon after the Autumnal Equinox, plus 6 days.
Not wanting to stay out of the news, Boston Archbishop Sean O'Malley refused to wash the feet of women during the Holy Thursday ceremony citing that none of the Apostles were women. (For the uninitiated, Jesus washed the feet of his Disciples during the Passover "Last Supper"). Next the Archbishop will be pushing for a Constitutional Amendment to define "clean" feet as those belonging only to a man. To achieve this end, he will encourage all Catholics to rise against "individualism" and insist that all women be forced to have dirty feet because they were not apostles and well there was that Eve chick, too.
In the wake of last week's interrogation of Condoleezza Rice, Verbal Jazz has decided to take up arms and start swatting flies in the name of freedom. Apparently, since the President is tired of doing it himself, it falls to us, the American People, to rise to the challenge. Go buy a flyswatter today!
+++++++
The Highlights and Low Notes of the Week
http://www.verbaljazz.com
* Tourism slows in Fallujah (April 6)
* Massachusetts Governor still wants to move convention site (April 6)
* Marines don't miss Bob Hope (April 6)
* Condi to deny Clarke had an anti-terrorism role (April 6)
* White House Official: Clarke had trouble getting dates (April 6)
* NCAA releases graduation rates for student athletes (April 6)
* Kerry Campaign conducts focus group - reveals that Ronald McDonald would be the most attractive VP Candidate (April 6)
* Individualism: Life's real problem (April 7)
* Verbal Jazz has a new cause (April 8)
* Pentagon purchases extended warrantee (April 8)
* Condi's big day (prior to testimony (April 8)
* Random Iraq Anniversary Date (April 9)
* It was all vague (April 9)
* Flyswatter for sale (April 12)
* Clarke was "just a janitor." (April 12)
* How to hold yourself accountable by way of example (April 12)
+++++++
The random Verbal Jazz question(s) of the Week: It's been a while since Verbal Jazz picked on a Democrat, does this make you happy or sad? If you were to write a poem about it what kind of poem would you write?
+++++++
I can no longer keep our relationship a secret: You'll just have to tell others about Verbal Jazz.
+++++++
This Newsletter is brought to you by the Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family. No part of the proceeds goes to anything remotely interesting or worthwhile. In fact since this newsletter has absolutely no cultural or social value, it may be construed as pornography. In that event, should you wish to remove yourself from this mailing list (be it as you may no longer like receiving these emails, or be it as you may have been placed on this list against your will), simply tell me why you should help the President understand his PDBs, or just type in "Unsubscribe."
|
(What follows in this post is this week's version of the Weekly Newsletter. Just think, all this delivered right to your in-box on a weekly basis. Sign up there on the left. Don't you want to?)
+++++++
Verbal Jazz hopes everyone had a Happy Easter. And Speaking of Easter: Holy (literal and figurative) Fertility Symbols! Resurrection, Eggs, Bunnies. You gotta love any Holiday that is planned around the Vernal Equinox: yes, Easter occurs on the first Sunday after the first full moon, after the Vernal Equinox. And you thought paganism was dead! Verbal jazz would like to switch Halloween to the first Tuesday after the first new moon after the Autumnal Equinox, plus 6 days.
Not wanting to stay out of the news, Boston Archbishop Sean O'Malley refused to wash the feet of women during the Holy Thursday ceremony citing that none of the Apostles were women. (For the uninitiated, Jesus washed the feet of his Disciples during the Passover "Last Supper"). Next the Archbishop will be pushing for a Constitutional Amendment to define "clean" feet as those belonging only to a man. To achieve this end, he will encourage all Catholics to rise against "individualism" and insist that all women be forced to have dirty feet because they were not apostles and well there was that Eve chick, too.
In the wake of last week's interrogation of Condoleezza Rice, Verbal Jazz has decided to take up arms and start swatting flies in the name of freedom. Apparently, since the President is tired of doing it himself, it falls to us, the American People, to rise to the challenge. Go buy a flyswatter today!
+++++++
The Highlights and Low Notes of the Week
http://www.verbaljazz.com
* Tourism slows in Fallujah (April 6)
* Massachusetts Governor still wants to move convention site (April 6)
* Marines don't miss Bob Hope (April 6)
* Condi to deny Clarke had an anti-terrorism role (April 6)
* White House Official: Clarke had trouble getting dates (April 6)
* NCAA releases graduation rates for student athletes (April 6)
* Kerry Campaign conducts focus group - reveals that Ronald McDonald would be the most attractive VP Candidate (April 6)
* Individualism: Life's real problem (April 7)
* Verbal Jazz has a new cause (April 8)
* Pentagon purchases extended warrantee (April 8)
* Condi's big day (prior to testimony (April 8)
* Random Iraq Anniversary Date (April 9)
* It was all vague (April 9)
* Flyswatter for sale (April 12)
* Clarke was "just a janitor." (April 12)
* How to hold yourself accountable by way of example (April 12)
+++++++
The random Verbal Jazz question(s) of the Week: It's been a while since Verbal Jazz picked on a Democrat, does this make you happy or sad? If you were to write a poem about it what kind of poem would you write?
+++++++
I can no longer keep our relationship a secret: You'll just have to tell others about Verbal Jazz.
+++++++
This Newsletter is brought to you by the Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family. No part of the proceeds goes to anything remotely interesting or worthwhile. In fact since this newsletter has absolutely no cultural or social value, it may be construed as pornography. In that event, should you wish to remove yourself from this mailing list (be it as you may no longer like receiving these emails, or be it as you may have been placed on this list against your will), simply tell me why you should help the President understand his PDBs, or just type in "Unsubscribe."
|
<< Home