Satire
Would you like fries with that vote?
The Committee to Elect John Kerry for President recently conducted a focus group in order to determine who should be Mr. Kerry's Vice-Presidential running mate, in order to ensure that Kerry did not select someone "unelectable."
The focus group's main choices, ranked in order are:
1. Ronald McDonald
2. Santa Claus
3. Yankee 3rd Baseman Alex Rodriguez
4. Mickey Mouse
5. Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson)
6. Donald Trump
The big surprise was that none of those who are rumored to be top contenders for the spot finished in the top twenty: John McCain, finished 23rd, John Edwards was number 26 and Evan Bayh simply did not register. The report concludes that most people consider "Evan Bayh" a fictional name.
"I think this focus group really focused on picking a vice-presidential candidate that was as inoffensive as possible," said political marketing consultant, Dan Wanofsky. "Alex Rodriguez would have been a better fit for the campaign had he actually been traded to the Red Sox, but now that he is with the Yankees it would be less incongruous for Kerry to pick John McCain, a Republican."
The Kerry Campaign committee has a few reservations about their number one candidate, Ronald McDonald. An anonymous source within the Kerry camp said that while Ronald's Appeal may be broad, he represents excessive marketing to children, as well as unhealthy food products which may be off-putting the Democrats' liberal base. Santa Claus has no power on to persuade anyone over seven. "Mickey Mouse hasn't done anything of consequence in years...plus with all that turmoil over at Disney, Mickey may not unify the party."
Expect the Kerry campaign to seriously consider the candidates on this list but pick someone who will offer the campaign a boos of adrenaline. Wanofsky would not predict Trump, even though people would tune into his debates with Cheney just to hear Trump tell Cheney, "You're fired." "My money is on Viggo Mortenson," said Wanofsy, "he offers at least the perception of political experience having been a king in those 'Lord of the Rings' films, and all."
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Would you like fries with that vote?
The Committee to Elect John Kerry for President recently conducted a focus group in order to determine who should be Mr. Kerry's Vice-Presidential running mate, in order to ensure that Kerry did not select someone "unelectable."
The focus group's main choices, ranked in order are:
1. Ronald McDonald
2. Santa Claus
3. Yankee 3rd Baseman Alex Rodriguez
4. Mickey Mouse
5. Aragorn (Viggo Mortenson)
6. Donald Trump
The big surprise was that none of those who are rumored to be top contenders for the spot finished in the top twenty: John McCain, finished 23rd, John Edwards was number 26 and Evan Bayh simply did not register. The report concludes that most people consider "Evan Bayh" a fictional name.
"I think this focus group really focused on picking a vice-presidential candidate that was as inoffensive as possible," said political marketing consultant, Dan Wanofsky. "Alex Rodriguez would have been a better fit for the campaign had he actually been traded to the Red Sox, but now that he is with the Yankees it would be less incongruous for Kerry to pick John McCain, a Republican."
The Kerry Campaign committee has a few reservations about their number one candidate, Ronald McDonald. An anonymous source within the Kerry camp said that while Ronald's Appeal may be broad, he represents excessive marketing to children, as well as unhealthy food products which may be off-putting the Democrats' liberal base. Santa Claus has no power on to persuade anyone over seven. "Mickey Mouse hasn't done anything of consequence in years...plus with all that turmoil over at Disney, Mickey may not unify the party."
Expect the Kerry campaign to seriously consider the candidates on this list but pick someone who will offer the campaign a boos of adrenaline. Wanofsky would not predict Trump, even though people would tune into his debates with Cheney just to hear Trump tell Cheney, "You're fired." "My money is on Viggo Mortenson," said Wanofsy, "he offers at least the perception of political experience having been a king in those 'Lord of the Rings' films, and all."
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