Yes, Verbal Jazz may in fact achieve a cure for what ails him! Imagine the apoplectic fit that the pro-life crowd will throw when a stem cell cure for baldness becomes the new Botox: the fad thing to do to appeal to one's vanity. One can imagine the chicken and egg argument for when a life is a life and when that "life" (yes, the quotation marks are intentional) is used for something as silly as follicle replacement. There will be Congressional testimony about using stem cells for hair replacement and the President will demand a Constitutional amendment narrowly defining baldness. Sure, we can joke about using stem cells treating my "condition" but when they are used to repair burned skin, then we enter a gray area: a place that does not exist for pro-lifers who would ban all uses of stem cells because the cell constitutes a "life." No, there is no inherent logic to this argument, just a need to be absolutely clear about being pro-life. For those of you looking for factual accuracy, University of Pennsylvania researchers discovered that stem cells may be used to cure baldness and aid burn victims. Burning isn't funny, though baldness can be.

Yes, Verbal Jazz is bald, although, being 6'2" I prefer to say "above timberline." In fact, Verbal Jazz may just start a new men's lifestyle magazine called "Above Timberline" for bald men over six feet tall. Sample issue: "Does Sitting Down Make Her Turn Away? 10 Tips for Deflecting Attention from Your Bald Spot"; "Bald Heroes: Patrick Stewart"; "When Good Hair Stops Going Bad and Just Goes Nowhere."

Now, weren't stem cells supposed to be used to cure cancer and diabetes and things like that? Being incredibly shallow, Verbal Jazz will accept the cure for baldness as long as there is a remedy for diabetes should he develop it down the road. In fact, Verbal Jazz is miffed that he cannot readily access those stem cells now. Hurry up, we follicly challenged are waiting!

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