The Verbal Jazz Highlights and Low Notes of the Week
Making a mockery of all cows be they sacred or profane
Welcome to the world, Crawdad: Congratulations are in order to Katy and Tom, Friends of Verbal Jazz. On Dr. Seuss's 100th birthday, Katy gave birth to John Tollef (otherwise known as Jack), while her husband Tom led the cheering section. Whatever happened to the days when the husband paced in the waiting room and handed out cigars? Verbal Jazz can tell you that Jack is very healthy looking and has the perfect name for a Private Eye who was once a rogue cop... While Katy was pregnant, Verbal Jazz consistently referred to Jack as "Crawdad" because he was, at one point, the size of a crawdad.
Hester Prynne got drunk in Peoria: Illinois is considering handing out special license plates to those who run the misfortune of getting caught DWI three times, possibly two. Verbal Jazz maintains that driving is a privilege while drinking is a right (that is when one is over the age of 21, in the United States). The 18th and #### amendments ensured us of our right to drink like lusty boozehounds. Verbal Jazz wonders if mothers who have children out of wedlock three times will be forced to have a special license plate? The Missus Jazz may have had a point when she said: how can anyone with three drunk driving convictions still be on the road? Who knows, maybe getting the plate will acquire a sort of cache among the trendy? "Dude, you got the plate! Righteous! Did you kill anyone while driving out of your mind?"
Crazy old man dentist: would you really trust an eighty-year-old dentist with a dog in his office (and dog hair in the waiting area)? Not to be agist, but when one is getting their teeth cleaned one should be slobbist. Verbal Jazz is a slob, the Missus Jazz is not. Verbal Jazz is thinking of starting an association called: The Society of Left-Handed Obnoxious Slobs: SloBS. Anyone want to join? The mission will be to confront the daily humiliations and challenges placed on us by a clean, right-handed world. (The preceding paragraph is a perfect example of how "Verbal Jazz" actually works: you start with an idea and let it grow.)
Verbal Jazz gets giddy: Verbal Jazz got a tour of the .406 Club at Fenway Park this week because his company is planning a meeting there next fall. Like many buildings in Boston, Fenway is a "working museum." That's why Fenway fits this city so well: it's old, falling apart, uncomfortable, but there is just so much history there. Amusingly, the event person we spoke with told us that we could not do our even in October or the first week of November, just in case the Red Sox go to the World Series and win...the parade would be in the first week of November. I said, "Hopefully there will be a parade this year."
Rush Limbaugh better hide: President Bush announced a plan to target those who abuse prescription drugs.
Stem cells, here, get your stem cells: A Harvard researcher is giving away stem cells to other scientists. Stem cells give pro-lifers the willies, because they represent such a gray area between scientific progress and clinging to their illusions that there is human life and everything else. I mean, if you are really that wound up about life and death, go vegan before you start protesting abortion clinics. What if that scientist packaged his stem cells and sold them at Fenway Park or other souvenir stands?
It's not cynical, it's leadership, and I was leading you at the time: Firefighters and families of victims of 9/11 have called Bush to task for basking in the glory of 9/11. For those not in the know, Bush began running a series of ads focusing on his "leadership" in the wake of 9/11 featuring a tattered flag in the rubble of the Towers. Seems rather cynical to capitalize on such a tragic moment to suit your own political gains, but what do I know as the grandson of a firefighter? If waging war and diminishing civil liberties is a sign of leadership, I'd hate to be the sheep that said okay to following the shepherd named Bush. Without 9/11 everyone would be ready for this asshole to go.
Mr. Kerry Rising: Now that Kerry is the de facto nominee, Verbal Jazz will ignore presidential politics for the next 8 months or until one of the candidates says something worth making the confused face look for. Actually this will be the last mention of Ralph Nader, until he is mentioned again.
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Making a mockery of all cows be they sacred or profane
Welcome to the world, Crawdad: Congratulations are in order to Katy and Tom, Friends of Verbal Jazz. On Dr. Seuss's 100th birthday, Katy gave birth to John Tollef (otherwise known as Jack), while her husband Tom led the cheering section. Whatever happened to the days when the husband paced in the waiting room and handed out cigars? Verbal Jazz can tell you that Jack is very healthy looking and has the perfect name for a Private Eye who was once a rogue cop... While Katy was pregnant, Verbal Jazz consistently referred to Jack as "Crawdad" because he was, at one point, the size of a crawdad.
Hester Prynne got drunk in Peoria: Illinois is considering handing out special license plates to those who run the misfortune of getting caught DWI three times, possibly two. Verbal Jazz maintains that driving is a privilege while drinking is a right (that is when one is over the age of 21, in the United States). The 18th and #### amendments ensured us of our right to drink like lusty boozehounds. Verbal Jazz wonders if mothers who have children out of wedlock three times will be forced to have a special license plate? The Missus Jazz may have had a point when she said: how can anyone with three drunk driving convictions still be on the road? Who knows, maybe getting the plate will acquire a sort of cache among the trendy? "Dude, you got the plate! Righteous! Did you kill anyone while driving out of your mind?"
Crazy old man dentist: would you really trust an eighty-year-old dentist with a dog in his office (and dog hair in the waiting area)? Not to be agist, but when one is getting their teeth cleaned one should be slobbist. Verbal Jazz is a slob, the Missus Jazz is not. Verbal Jazz is thinking of starting an association called: The Society of Left-Handed Obnoxious Slobs: SloBS. Anyone want to join? The mission will be to confront the daily humiliations and challenges placed on us by a clean, right-handed world. (The preceding paragraph is a perfect example of how "Verbal Jazz" actually works: you start with an idea and let it grow.)
Verbal Jazz gets giddy: Verbal Jazz got a tour of the .406 Club at Fenway Park this week because his company is planning a meeting there next fall. Like many buildings in Boston, Fenway is a "working museum." That's why Fenway fits this city so well: it's old, falling apart, uncomfortable, but there is just so much history there. Amusingly, the event person we spoke with told us that we could not do our even in October or the first week of November, just in case the Red Sox go to the World Series and win...the parade would be in the first week of November. I said, "Hopefully there will be a parade this year."
Rush Limbaugh better hide: President Bush announced a plan to target those who abuse prescription drugs.
Stem cells, here, get your stem cells: A Harvard researcher is giving away stem cells to other scientists. Stem cells give pro-lifers the willies, because they represent such a gray area between scientific progress and clinging to their illusions that there is human life and everything else. I mean, if you are really that wound up about life and death, go vegan before you start protesting abortion clinics. What if that scientist packaged his stem cells and sold them at Fenway Park or other souvenir stands?
It's not cynical, it's leadership, and I was leading you at the time: Firefighters and families of victims of 9/11 have called Bush to task for basking in the glory of 9/11. For those not in the know, Bush began running a series of ads focusing on his "leadership" in the wake of 9/11 featuring a tattered flag in the rubble of the Towers. Seems rather cynical to capitalize on such a tragic moment to suit your own political gains, but what do I know as the grandson of a firefighter? If waging war and diminishing civil liberties is a sign of leadership, I'd hate to be the sheep that said okay to following the shepherd named Bush. Without 9/11 everyone would be ready for this asshole to go.
Mr. Kerry Rising: Now that Kerry is the de facto nominee, Verbal Jazz will ignore presidential politics for the next 8 months or until one of the candidates says something worth making the confused face look for. Actually this will be the last mention of Ralph Nader, until he is mentioned again.
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