The Verbal Jazz Highlights and Low Notes of the Week
Verbal Jazz has written enough about Gay Marriage this week. The Mass state legislature will regroup on March 11. That said here is this week's list:
1. Have a heart: Verbal Jazz is not a doctor (and no, there will be no joke about playing one on TV. That joke can only be made by those who remember the commercial for the over-the-counter medicine in which a man who played a doctor on a soap opera uttered that famous line.) Even though Verbal Jazz does not possess a medical degree, I must admit that the whole idea of the Atkins diet seems antithetical to, well, health. Even though the doc's widow disagrees with the assessment that he was overweight and had a history of heart disease, the proof of the diet is in the dying. As you may know, Doctor Atkins' autopsy revealed a history of heart disease and he was obese at the time of his death. To be fair, Doctor Atkins was apparently on meds that made him retain fluid and pumped up his weight. As Boston Globe columnist Alex Beam pointed out yesterday, there is a fortune to be made from the name Atkins, so it may be best to protect his memory. Verbal Jazz prefers rigorous exercise as his means of staying fit.
2. Just show up whenever, you're all good: The White House released documents this week at proving the president fulfilled his National Guard duty. Republicans are up in arms because Democrats let Bill Clinton slide on shirking military service during the Vietnam era. Democrats, on the other hand, are preparing to stand up behind a war hero propped up against a war hero wannabe. Verbal Jazz makes no claim to know whether the President actually fulfilled his guard duty, but does note that he did not seem to take it seriously, like many other things. To put it in perspective: were Verbal Jazz published with the frequency of President Flyboy's National Guard visits, well, you could expect the next post sometime in August, but I would still claim that Verbal Jazz is frequently posted.
3. Torch song eulogy: Former Senator Robert Torricelli (aka the "Torch") was apparently the mastermind (or at least the moneymind) behind a number of negative Anti-Dean ads that ran in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Upon finding out that the disgraced Senator was behind these ads, Dean lashed out at the lack of ethics plaguing the Kerry campaign. Dean also vowed to fight beyond the ultra important Wisconsin primary. Verbal Jazz will note that part of the primary process involves winnowing the field. Somewhere along the way, Dean lost momentum and has not been able to regain it.
4. Let's rebrand it as Disney World brought to you by Comcast: Cable media giant Comcast has proposed to buy Disney and soon a media monolith grows. Verbal Jazz may have to refer to the Comcast Marathon he recently ran, as opposed to the Disney Marathon. If this deal actually does go through my cable company would then own a number of networks on its channels and since Comcast is the Internet provider to the House of Verbal Jazz, I will no longer be allowed to say anything bad about either Comcast or Disney. In fact, I may have to plug them both at least once a week so that my cable won't get shut off and I can still publish Verbal Jazz.
5. We have a vicious, unfounded rumor that several prominent Republicans may have once pleasured themselves: The Drudge Report published an unfounded rumor that John Kerry had an affair with an intern that the mainstream press has yet to really look into. Would it be too much to hope for that people stop listening to this clown? Or that (choose your semantic phrasing: 1.lying to the American people OR 2. misreading intelligence) about those darn weapons is a bit more severe than whether a politician sheds clothing? Would you believe it if Verbal Jazz printed an unfounded rumor about several prominent Republicans? Verbal Jazz has it from an unnamed source that unnamed Republicans have been known to engage in acts of (choose your semantic phrasing: 1."self-love" OR 2. "self-abuse"). This could be potentially damaging to their careers if the names are released. According to a source in the White House, these Republicans: administration officials as well as members of Congress keep a stack of pornographic magazines and regularly use government issued computers to access porn sites on the Internet. Verbal Jazz does not think so.
6. Happy birthday, Missus Jazz! It is actually tomorrow (yes, Valentine's Day).
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Verbal Jazz has written enough about Gay Marriage this week. The Mass state legislature will regroup on March 11. That said here is this week's list:
1. Have a heart: Verbal Jazz is not a doctor (and no, there will be no joke about playing one on TV. That joke can only be made by those who remember the commercial for the over-the-counter medicine in which a man who played a doctor on a soap opera uttered that famous line.) Even though Verbal Jazz does not possess a medical degree, I must admit that the whole idea of the Atkins diet seems antithetical to, well, health. Even though the doc's widow disagrees with the assessment that he was overweight and had a history of heart disease, the proof of the diet is in the dying. As you may know, Doctor Atkins' autopsy revealed a history of heart disease and he was obese at the time of his death. To be fair, Doctor Atkins was apparently on meds that made him retain fluid and pumped up his weight. As Boston Globe columnist Alex Beam pointed out yesterday, there is a fortune to be made from the name Atkins, so it may be best to protect his memory. Verbal Jazz prefers rigorous exercise as his means of staying fit.
2. Just show up whenever, you're all good: The White House released documents this week at proving the president fulfilled his National Guard duty. Republicans are up in arms because Democrats let Bill Clinton slide on shirking military service during the Vietnam era. Democrats, on the other hand, are preparing to stand up behind a war hero propped up against a war hero wannabe. Verbal Jazz makes no claim to know whether the President actually fulfilled his guard duty, but does note that he did not seem to take it seriously, like many other things. To put it in perspective: were Verbal Jazz published with the frequency of President Flyboy's National Guard visits, well, you could expect the next post sometime in August, but I would still claim that Verbal Jazz is frequently posted.
3. Torch song eulogy: Former Senator Robert Torricelli (aka the "Torch") was apparently the mastermind (or at least the moneymind) behind a number of negative Anti-Dean ads that ran in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. Upon finding out that the disgraced Senator was behind these ads, Dean lashed out at the lack of ethics plaguing the Kerry campaign. Dean also vowed to fight beyond the ultra important Wisconsin primary. Verbal Jazz will note that part of the primary process involves winnowing the field. Somewhere along the way, Dean lost momentum and has not been able to regain it.
4. Let's rebrand it as Disney World brought to you by Comcast: Cable media giant Comcast has proposed to buy Disney and soon a media monolith grows. Verbal Jazz may have to refer to the Comcast Marathon he recently ran, as opposed to the Disney Marathon. If this deal actually does go through my cable company would then own a number of networks on its channels and since Comcast is the Internet provider to the House of Verbal Jazz, I will no longer be allowed to say anything bad about either Comcast or Disney. In fact, I may have to plug them both at least once a week so that my cable won't get shut off and I can still publish Verbal Jazz.
5. We have a vicious, unfounded rumor that several prominent Republicans may have once pleasured themselves: The Drudge Report published an unfounded rumor that John Kerry had an affair with an intern that the mainstream press has yet to really look into. Would it be too much to hope for that people stop listening to this clown? Or that (choose your semantic phrasing: 1.lying to the American people OR 2. misreading intelligence) about those darn weapons is a bit more severe than whether a politician sheds clothing? Would you believe it if Verbal Jazz printed an unfounded rumor about several prominent Republicans? Verbal Jazz has it from an unnamed source that unnamed Republicans have been known to engage in acts of (choose your semantic phrasing: 1."self-love" OR 2. "self-abuse"). This could be potentially damaging to their careers if the names are released. According to a source in the White House, these Republicans: administration officials as well as members of Congress keep a stack of pornographic magazines and regularly use government issued computers to access porn sites on the Internet. Verbal Jazz does not think so.
6. Happy birthday, Missus Jazz! It is actually tomorrow (yes, Valentine's Day).
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