The Verbal Jazz Weekly Awards
(Formerly known as "Crap That I'm Sick of")
Verbal Jazz grew tired of the "Crap That I'm Sick of" feature of this website and has decided to rename it "The Verbal Jazz Weekly Awards." Award winners receive no plaque and it is still debatable whether any mention in Verbal Jazz is reward in and of itself. Normally, this feature appears on Fridays, but since the Missus Jazz and I are flying out tonight to participate in #3, this will be a day early. That said here are this week's winners:
1. Should we build a road there? NASA lands on Mars and, for billions of dollars less, you too can create similar images using a red camera lens filter at any number of East Coast beaches during low tide. The pictures show a remarkably rocky and empty terrain. The good news is that is apt to be free of traffic congestion. What say we take all the Excursions, Hummers and Suburbans and bring them to Mars to see if that four wheel drive feature really works. It would make for an easier commute. In a side note, major league baseball player Carl Everett maintains that the Mars landing is a hoax put together with sophisticated computer graphics.
2. I did it, but it is perfectly justifiable on this technicality: Baseball writers who may have been soft on Pete Rose have become less so since Rose admitted he bet on baseball. Admitting one has a problem is only one step, but one also has to show remorse for messing with the integrity of a game in which owners give away $250 Million contracts, there is much speculation about steroid use, and a family of four has to forego that trip to the Grand Canyon in order to go to one baseball game. Rose won't get any sympathy until he whips out the cat o' nine and self-flagellates for a period ranging from one week to two years depending on the Commissioner's mood. Perennial Boston Globe sourpuss and urban myth aggrandizer (the so-called: "Curse of the Bambino") Dan Shaughnessy has a wonderfully lucid argument as to why Pete Rose even betting for his own team is bad: it could have had an effect on game time decisions for those games on which Rose did not place a bet. BTW: There were two Hall of Fame inductees announced this week: Congrats to Dennis Eckersley and Paul Molitor.
3. Marathon man: The Missus Jazz is definitely sick of my marathon training. The hours of running. She is very excited that the marathon is this Sunday. When the marathon is over, I will be taking a short one to two week break from running. She is also excited about that. The Missus Jazz can then focus on her Brett Favre.
4. Marry me, I need some PR: Should an annulment be granted to someone who got a married only because they wanted to get their name in the paper? Actually, that is just a official Verbal Jazz Speculation: Britney Spears was suffering a lull in her Q rating after the Madonna kiss. She didn't want to go in-flagrante-de-Hilton and become an overnight porn star. Thus was born the "controversy" of marrying in Vegas then quickly seeking an annulment. Once the press found out, Britney was bound to get some coverage (she's most excited about this conspiracy theory rant in Verbal Jazz). She's out of control! No longer nice girl playing naughty: Yawn!
5. How come no one wants to help me pick up that can of corn I also dropped in the parking lot? Verbal Jazz will not offer any official speculation as to who may be telling the truth about this lottery ticket, but the rules of a lottery are the winnings go to whomever hands it in. Thankfully, it was turned in before I booked that flight to Ohio. It's a good thing that there were all those people that were willing to help that poor woman find her missing lottery ticket: people are so unselfish.
Update: After posting this, Verbal Jazz read that the woman who claimed to have lost the ticket in the parking lot has since admitted to lying about it. Now, seriously, who did she think she was going to fool?
6. Grateful to leave the bakery: The Missus Jazz and I were treated to two hippy wannabes working in an upscale bakery softly singing along to the Grateful Dead song "Uncle John's Band." The Dead, on what I assumed was a live recording, sounded even worse than usual, complete with off-kilter "harmonies" that only a pothead (and other assorted chemicals both organic and non) wannabe hippy could love. Sorry Deadheads but The Grateful Dead sucked and owe their longevity more to the cultural phenomenon of their traveling tribe of churchgoers than to the quality of the music they put out.
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(Formerly known as "Crap That I'm Sick of")
Verbal Jazz grew tired of the "Crap That I'm Sick of" feature of this website and has decided to rename it "The Verbal Jazz Weekly Awards." Award winners receive no plaque and it is still debatable whether any mention in Verbal Jazz is reward in and of itself. Normally, this feature appears on Fridays, but since the Missus Jazz and I are flying out tonight to participate in #3, this will be a day early. That said here are this week's winners:
1. Should we build a road there? NASA lands on Mars and, for billions of dollars less, you too can create similar images using a red camera lens filter at any number of East Coast beaches during low tide. The pictures show a remarkably rocky and empty terrain. The good news is that is apt to be free of traffic congestion. What say we take all the Excursions, Hummers and Suburbans and bring them to Mars to see if that four wheel drive feature really works. It would make for an easier commute. In a side note, major league baseball player Carl Everett maintains that the Mars landing is a hoax put together with sophisticated computer graphics.
2. I did it, but it is perfectly justifiable on this technicality: Baseball writers who may have been soft on Pete Rose have become less so since Rose admitted he bet on baseball. Admitting one has a problem is only one step, but one also has to show remorse for messing with the integrity of a game in which owners give away $250 Million contracts, there is much speculation about steroid use, and a family of four has to forego that trip to the Grand Canyon in order to go to one baseball game. Rose won't get any sympathy until he whips out the cat o' nine and self-flagellates for a period ranging from one week to two years depending on the Commissioner's mood. Perennial Boston Globe sourpuss and urban myth aggrandizer (the so-called: "Curse of the Bambino") Dan Shaughnessy has a wonderfully lucid argument as to why Pete Rose even betting for his own team is bad: it could have had an effect on game time decisions for those games on which Rose did not place a bet. BTW: There were two Hall of Fame inductees announced this week: Congrats to Dennis Eckersley and Paul Molitor.
3. Marathon man: The Missus Jazz is definitely sick of my marathon training. The hours of running. She is very excited that the marathon is this Sunday. When the marathon is over, I will be taking a short one to two week break from running. She is also excited about that. The Missus Jazz can then focus on her Brett Favre.
4. Marry me, I need some PR: Should an annulment be granted to someone who got a married only because they wanted to get their name in the paper? Actually, that is just a official Verbal Jazz Speculation: Britney Spears was suffering a lull in her Q rating after the Madonna kiss. She didn't want to go in-flagrante-de-Hilton and become an overnight porn star. Thus was born the "controversy" of marrying in Vegas then quickly seeking an annulment. Once the press found out, Britney was bound to get some coverage (she's most excited about this conspiracy theory rant in Verbal Jazz). She's out of control! No longer nice girl playing naughty: Yawn!
5. How come no one wants to help me pick up that can of corn I also dropped in the parking lot? Verbal Jazz will not offer any official speculation as to who may be telling the truth about this lottery ticket, but the rules of a lottery are the winnings go to whomever hands it in. Thankfully, it was turned in before I booked that flight to Ohio. It's a good thing that there were all those people that were willing to help that poor woman find her missing lottery ticket: people are so unselfish.
Update: After posting this, Verbal Jazz read that the woman who claimed to have lost the ticket in the parking lot has since admitted to lying about it. Now, seriously, who did she think she was going to fool?
6. Grateful to leave the bakery: The Missus Jazz and I were treated to two hippy wannabes working in an upscale bakery softly singing along to the Grateful Dead song "Uncle John's Band." The Dead, on what I assumed was a live recording, sounded even worse than usual, complete with off-kilter "harmonies" that only a pothead (and other assorted chemicals both organic and non) wannabe hippy could love. Sorry Deadheads but The Grateful Dead sucked and owe their longevity more to the cultural phenomenon of their traveling tribe of churchgoers than to the quality of the music they put out.
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