The Verbal Jazz High Notes and Low Notes of the Week
Verbal Jazz has already written ad infinitum about the Iowa Caucuses and the State of the Union Speech. Without mentioning Ben and J-Lo, here is this week's list:
1. Sounds of Sirens: Last weekend Art Garfunkel arrested for Marijuana possession when his limo was pulled over. To add insult to injury, the arresting officer did not recognize Garfunkel, or apparently know who he is. Verbal Jazz would have recognized Garfunkel, but would not have asked for an autograph of Still Water. At least Garfunkel left the driving to someone else, that's responsibility. I wonder if they let him have a snack in the jail cell to curb the munchies.
2. What if we put curtains up around our cubes on election day? The Pentagon's attempts at beta testing online voting have met with some scrutiny over privacy, security and fraud issues. In other words, there are too many variables associated with online voting, not the least of which is lack of a paper trail. The Pentagon naturally scoffs at such concerns: "Phooey! We are the Pentagon, how dare you question our methods or results?" Look for online voting to be sponsored by CronyCo someday soon: results guaranteed to support our political aims.
3. Will you marry me, maybe in Massachusetts, but certainly not in Ohio? This week, after the President attacked "Activist Judges," just days after installing his own, mind you, the Ohio state legislature denied gays the right to marry in Ohio. The Archdiocese of Boston is planning on making a push to put a ban on Gay Marriage on the ballot in Massachusetts. Did someone forget to remind the Archdiocese that they are still getting over scandals involving priests and children and that maybe they should lay low for a while before resuming the role of telling people what to do. The Democrats, fresh from Iowa and a debate in New Hampshire, are looking at a tricky issue here since Gay Marriage is one of those polarizing topics of debate. The most absurd argument against Gay Marriage, or even Gay Sex, is that it is "not natural." Verbal Jazz would expect anyone who uses the "Not Natural" argument to now do the following: not eat any genetically modified crops, eat no meat that was not personally killed by themselves, cease air flight, stop driving cars on paved roads, eat no foods with artificial preservatives, take no prescription medication....etc. Gay Marriage, as an idea will take some time to get used to
4. Time to get that Monkey off your back: This is the Year of the Monkey according to the Chinese calendar. Compared to the Chinese calendar, our calendar is a bit boring: BCE/AD. Our calendar also has twelve unofficial signs that we go through in one year, but no one celebrates the Month of the Aquarius, say. Maybe if we spread them out over twelve years, they would mean a bit more: "Happy year of the Cancer." By the way, Verbal Jazz is a Cancer born in the Year of the Rat.
5. Where's your Spirit? The initial giddiness of the Mars Spirit Rover (in your face British Beagle!) has worn off now that the Rover is crying out in the wilderness and sending back garbled meaningless messages. Scientists are not discouraged yet, because at least the messages are saying "Hello," (with the subtext of: "is anybody out there?"). The Rover's twin (who knew machines had twins?) is due to land this weekend. Now about that manned trip to Mars...
6. Pats v. Cats in Super Bowl XXXVIII: Verbal Jazz would like to send a shout out to the New England Patriots. We will be rooting for you in Super Bowl XXXVIII, even though the Missus Jazz is still despondent over Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers losing to the Eagles in the playoffs. We will be rooting for the Pats, even though Tom Brady was in the audience at the State of the Union. Now if the Pats lose, will that lead to a State of the Union curse, similar to a Sports Illustrated cover curse? Verbal Jazz would like to point to his non-appearance on the Sports Illustrated cover as the reason he took over five hours to complete a marathon. Next Friday will feature the Verbal Jazz Super Bowl pick: guaranteed not to have an impact on the Vegas odds.
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Verbal Jazz has already written ad infinitum about the Iowa Caucuses and the State of the Union Speech. Without mentioning Ben and J-Lo, here is this week's list:
1. Sounds of Sirens: Last weekend Art Garfunkel arrested for Marijuana possession when his limo was pulled over. To add insult to injury, the arresting officer did not recognize Garfunkel, or apparently know who he is. Verbal Jazz would have recognized Garfunkel, but would not have asked for an autograph of Still Water. At least Garfunkel left the driving to someone else, that's responsibility. I wonder if they let him have a snack in the jail cell to curb the munchies.
2. What if we put curtains up around our cubes on election day? The Pentagon's attempts at beta testing online voting have met with some scrutiny over privacy, security and fraud issues. In other words, there are too many variables associated with online voting, not the least of which is lack of a paper trail. The Pentagon naturally scoffs at such concerns: "Phooey! We are the Pentagon, how dare you question our methods or results?" Look for online voting to be sponsored by CronyCo someday soon: results guaranteed to support our political aims.
3. Will you marry me, maybe in Massachusetts, but certainly not in Ohio? This week, after the President attacked "Activist Judges," just days after installing his own, mind you, the Ohio state legislature denied gays the right to marry in Ohio. The Archdiocese of Boston is planning on making a push to put a ban on Gay Marriage on the ballot in Massachusetts. Did someone forget to remind the Archdiocese that they are still getting over scandals involving priests and children and that maybe they should lay low for a while before resuming the role of telling people what to do. The Democrats, fresh from Iowa and a debate in New Hampshire, are looking at a tricky issue here since Gay Marriage is one of those polarizing topics of debate. The most absurd argument against Gay Marriage, or even Gay Sex, is that it is "not natural." Verbal Jazz would expect anyone who uses the "Not Natural" argument to now do the following: not eat any genetically modified crops, eat no meat that was not personally killed by themselves, cease air flight, stop driving cars on paved roads, eat no foods with artificial preservatives, take no prescription medication....etc. Gay Marriage, as an idea will take some time to get used to
4. Time to get that Monkey off your back: This is the Year of the Monkey according to the Chinese calendar. Compared to the Chinese calendar, our calendar is a bit boring: BCE/AD. Our calendar also has twelve unofficial signs that we go through in one year, but no one celebrates the Month of the Aquarius, say. Maybe if we spread them out over twelve years, they would mean a bit more: "Happy year of the Cancer." By the way, Verbal Jazz is a Cancer born in the Year of the Rat.
5. Where's your Spirit? The initial giddiness of the Mars Spirit Rover (in your face British Beagle!) has worn off now that the Rover is crying out in the wilderness and sending back garbled meaningless messages. Scientists are not discouraged yet, because at least the messages are saying "Hello," (with the subtext of: "is anybody out there?"). The Rover's twin (who knew machines had twins?) is due to land this weekend. Now about that manned trip to Mars...
6. Pats v. Cats in Super Bowl XXXVIII: Verbal Jazz would like to send a shout out to the New England Patriots. We will be rooting for you in Super Bowl XXXVIII, even though the Missus Jazz is still despondent over Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers losing to the Eagles in the playoffs. We will be rooting for the Pats, even though Tom Brady was in the audience at the State of the Union. Now if the Pats lose, will that lead to a State of the Union curse, similar to a Sports Illustrated cover curse? Verbal Jazz would like to point to his non-appearance on the Sports Illustrated cover as the reason he took over five hours to complete a marathon. Next Friday will feature the Verbal Jazz Super Bowl pick: guaranteed not to have an impact on the Vegas odds.
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