The Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family (VJIAF)
Remember yesterday when I threatened to introduce the Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family? I like to keep my promises.
The Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family (VJIAF) is dedicated to telling other people what to do with their private lives and to being obsessed, in particular, with the sexual practices of others. That said here are VJIAF's position statements on issues that affect the American Family:
Gay Marriage: The VJIAF feels that gay marriage represents a threat. It is a vast conspiracy to recruit the youth of America into moral depravity. Being gay is kind of like a cult, right?
Abortion: The VJIAF prefers the semantic tactics of using words like baby killers, and "partial-birth" abortion. The VJIAF sees there is only one choice: bring more unwanted and unloved children into this world. We need more of those. Oh, and make sure they have alcoholic and abusive parents. If every child were wanted, we'd be a nation of pussies.
Masturbation: Wasted seed as far as the VJIAF can tell. Scientific research supports the assertion that it will make you blind. Just ask Oedipus. Besides, masturbation is lustful and we know where that leads: to forcing more unwanted children in this world.
Violent TV shows and movies where bad people get riddled with bullets: we're all for it.
TV Shows and movies that talk frankly about sex: Not that we're into censorship but sex is ruining the American family.
Church attendance: Mandatory. We need to thank god for all this freedom.
Disclaimer: The previous post is meant to be satiric in nature.
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Remember yesterday when I threatened to introduce the Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family? I like to keep my promises.
The Verbal Jazz Institute for the American Family (VJIAF) is dedicated to telling other people what to do with their private lives and to being obsessed, in particular, with the sexual practices of others. That said here are VJIAF's position statements on issues that affect the American Family:
Gay Marriage: The VJIAF feels that gay marriage represents a threat. It is a vast conspiracy to recruit the youth of America into moral depravity. Being gay is kind of like a cult, right?
Abortion: The VJIAF prefers the semantic tactics of using words like baby killers, and "partial-birth" abortion. The VJIAF sees there is only one choice: bring more unwanted and unloved children into this world. We need more of those. Oh, and make sure they have alcoholic and abusive parents. If every child were wanted, we'd be a nation of pussies.
Masturbation: Wasted seed as far as the VJIAF can tell. Scientific research supports the assertion that it will make you blind. Just ask Oedipus. Besides, masturbation is lustful and we know where that leads: to forcing more unwanted children in this world.
Violent TV shows and movies where bad people get riddled with bullets: we're all for it.
TV Shows and movies that talk frankly about sex: Not that we're into censorship but sex is ruining the American family.
Church attendance: Mandatory. We need to thank god for all this freedom.
Disclaimer: The previous post is meant to be satiric in nature.
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