Ashcroft is behind this, I know it
While watching Game 1 of the ALCS between the Red Sox and the Yankees, pompous, insufferable blowhard announcer Tim McCarver prattled on about how an early season (first game) shoulder injury has reduced the mobility of Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter. "He can't get to balls because that shoulder is still bothering him," sayeth the great Yankee apologist.
"Stop making excuses for him!" I shouted at my TV.
"That's not an excuse, that's a fact," the great blowhard said not two seconds later.
There are a few logical explanations for this. Verbal Jazz is not so crazy as to believe the Tim McCarver, bad orange dye-job and all, is plugged in to my mental wavelength and communicating with me via the TV. Here are my explanations:
1. It's a conspiracy. Attorney General John Ashcroft is a former Governor and Senator from the State of Missouri. Tim McCarver played for the St. Louis (MO) Cardinals (having the good fortune of being able to make a career of being a teammate of Bob Gibson). My house is being bugged by the "Department of Vengeance (Is Mine)" and relayed to McCarver in the booth.
2. Maybe some intelligent individual working in the Fox control booth told Timmy that he sounds like a Derek Jeter apologist.
3. McCarver was tuned in to the Yankee hatin' going on throughout the country. But gosh-darn that Timmy sure loves Joe Torre a whole bunch, and with good reason, Torre is a class act. In fact, Torre has so much class that you have to be aware that he is the devil. No one could have that much poise after losing a game. Torre's mission is to soften Red Sox fans into thinking he is a great guy, and thus spreading Yankee love. Not gonna happen, Torre, we are on to your evil plan.
4. McCarver was getting fed up with someone intelligent in the booth. Seattle Mariners Second Baseman Brett Boone managed to keep McCarver in check all night. After McCarver questioned the Sox bringing a relief pitcher (Mike Timlin) in to a situation in which the Yankees would put a better hitter up (Ruben Sierra), Boone politely told McCarver and the rest of the nation, that the Sierra could only hit a one run homer with no one on base and the situation called for bringing in Timlin to start the inning. Way to go, Brett.
5. My TV really is in dialogue with me. This seems the most plausible. |
While watching Game 1 of the ALCS between the Red Sox and the Yankees, pompous, insufferable blowhard announcer Tim McCarver prattled on about how an early season (first game) shoulder injury has reduced the mobility of Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter. "He can't get to balls because that shoulder is still bothering him," sayeth the great Yankee apologist.
"Stop making excuses for him!" I shouted at my TV.
"That's not an excuse, that's a fact," the great blowhard said not two seconds later.
There are a few logical explanations for this. Verbal Jazz is not so crazy as to believe the Tim McCarver, bad orange dye-job and all, is plugged in to my mental wavelength and communicating with me via the TV. Here are my explanations:
1. It's a conspiracy. Attorney General John Ashcroft is a former Governor and Senator from the State of Missouri. Tim McCarver played for the St. Louis (MO) Cardinals (having the good fortune of being able to make a career of being a teammate of Bob Gibson). My house is being bugged by the "Department of Vengeance (Is Mine)" and relayed to McCarver in the booth.
2. Maybe some intelligent individual working in the Fox control booth told Timmy that he sounds like a Derek Jeter apologist.
3. McCarver was tuned in to the Yankee hatin' going on throughout the country. But gosh-darn that Timmy sure loves Joe Torre a whole bunch, and with good reason, Torre is a class act. In fact, Torre has so much class that you have to be aware that he is the devil. No one could have that much poise after losing a game. Torre's mission is to soften Red Sox fans into thinking he is a great guy, and thus spreading Yankee love. Not gonna happen, Torre, we are on to your evil plan.
4. McCarver was getting fed up with someone intelligent in the booth. Seattle Mariners Second Baseman Brett Boone managed to keep McCarver in check all night. After McCarver questioned the Sox bringing a relief pitcher (Mike Timlin) in to a situation in which the Yankees would put a better hitter up (Ruben Sierra), Boone politely told McCarver and the rest of the nation, that the Sierra could only hit a one run homer with no one on base and the situation called for bringing in Timlin to start the inning. Way to go, Brett.
5. My TV really is in dialogue with me. This seems the most plausible. |
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