Enter the DH
The news that retired General Wesley Clark is going to run for president, means that the Democratic nine now get a DH (that's designated hitter for those who may not follow baseball: essentially a DH hits for the pitcher, but only in the American League, roughly 46.7% of the teams. A DH, while hitting for the pitcher is usually a prolific slugger who is terrible in the field, but, hey chicks dig the long ball). Howard Dean, the power slugger in this lineup, apparently courted General Clark as a potential Vice Presidential candidate, but alas, Gen. Clark having no desire to be a bench warmer, decided to light out on his own.
Now here is the Verbal Jazz rundown of the candidates and their potential to be playing mental gymnastics with the acting President come 2004:
Clark, Wesley: Unlike pop music, politicians don't need street cred, they need mil cred (military credentials), especially with the "War on Terror" (as successful as the War on Drugs?). Clark, with actual mil cred, as opposed to the feigned bluster masking itself as mil cred of our current "leader," could actually make the president wish Dean won. Although the Republican attack machine could make Wes look like a conscientious objector who attends hempfests and longs to explore homosexuality.
Dean, Howard: Stickin' it to the man! Dean has been the Democrats answer to John McCain telling it like it is. Has he peaked too early? Will the wide eyed pacifists that embrace him be stunned to find out he is a, GASP! Moderate? Will the Democrats learn to embrace a firebrand like Dean? Who knows, they may have to think about it and do a case study and release a paper on the electability of Dean in 2004. The paper will be ready sometime in the Fall of 2007.
Edwards, John: Announced his campaign today. Wicked exciting. I don't know how true this is, but I heard he had to bone up on his policy skills last year. Thanks for doing the homework, but can't much trust the knowledge base, can we. At least, whatshisname doesn't pretend to do the homework, he just gets a speech and makes "head-bobbin'-dramatic-face."
Gephardt, Richard, or Dick: Howdy doody references aside where are this man's eyebrows? Anyone? Anyone? Great policies and well thought out ideas, but he suffers from Al Gore syndrome: he thinks the ideas will compensate for character. Plus he likes to overuse phrases such as "The Democrat Plan" in response to the speech Bush gave his first speech as President that was not the State of the Union, because a President newly inaugurated cannot feign knowledge of the actual State of the Union or something like that. "The Democrat plan..." Yeah, we got it.
Graham, Bob: 10:32 PM ? no snide comments about the OCD notebook. 10:32:30 ? okay maybe one or two snide comments. Give it up, Bob and go fold the sock drawer or something. Then journal it along with the moment when you had a clear vision of yourself not debating Bush this year.
Kerry, John: Anyone remember Droopy the dog from the old Woody Woodpecker cartoons? Kerry's got his eyes and hang dog expression. I keep telling people that, assuming Droopy were to win the nomination, a Kerry/McCain ticket in November 2004 would make Bush start a new war just to drum up more support.
Kucinich, Dennis: Let's get this straight, dude, you're a vegan? America, embracer of the Atkins diet, because it allows you to eat red meat under the auspices of losing weight, is not ready for a vegan president. Isn't that kind of like a cult or something?
Lieberman, Joe: ZZZZZZZZZ, huh, was he saying something? He went along with the Republicans again, didn't he? Given his performance in Veep debates against the walking cardiac case known as Dick Cheney, we could assume that Lieberman would allow Bush to control the debates, and possibly give him notes.
Mosely-Braun, Carol: First female African-American Senator. That's pretty cool, but it won?t buy an opportunity to name a vice presidential nominee.
Sharpton, Al: It's hard to take this candidate seriously. Really.
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The news that retired General Wesley Clark is going to run for president, means that the Democratic nine now get a DH (that's designated hitter for those who may not follow baseball: essentially a DH hits for the pitcher, but only in the American League, roughly 46.7% of the teams. A DH, while hitting for the pitcher is usually a prolific slugger who is terrible in the field, but, hey chicks dig the long ball). Howard Dean, the power slugger in this lineup, apparently courted General Clark as a potential Vice Presidential candidate, but alas, Gen. Clark having no desire to be a bench warmer, decided to light out on his own.
Now here is the Verbal Jazz rundown of the candidates and their potential to be playing mental gymnastics with the acting President come 2004:
Clark, Wesley: Unlike pop music, politicians don't need street cred, they need mil cred (military credentials), especially with the "War on Terror" (as successful as the War on Drugs?). Clark, with actual mil cred, as opposed to the feigned bluster masking itself as mil cred of our current "leader," could actually make the president wish Dean won. Although the Republican attack machine could make Wes look like a conscientious objector who attends hempfests and longs to explore homosexuality.
Dean, Howard: Stickin' it to the man! Dean has been the Democrats answer to John McCain telling it like it is. Has he peaked too early? Will the wide eyed pacifists that embrace him be stunned to find out he is a, GASP! Moderate? Will the Democrats learn to embrace a firebrand like Dean? Who knows, they may have to think about it and do a case study and release a paper on the electability of Dean in 2004. The paper will be ready sometime in the Fall of 2007.
Edwards, John: Announced his campaign today. Wicked exciting. I don't know how true this is, but I heard he had to bone up on his policy skills last year. Thanks for doing the homework, but can't much trust the knowledge base, can we. At least, whatshisname doesn't pretend to do the homework, he just gets a speech and makes "head-bobbin'-dramatic-face."
Gephardt, Richard, or Dick: Howdy doody references aside where are this man's eyebrows? Anyone? Anyone? Great policies and well thought out ideas, but he suffers from Al Gore syndrome: he thinks the ideas will compensate for character. Plus he likes to overuse phrases such as "The Democrat Plan" in response to the speech Bush gave his first speech as President that was not the State of the Union, because a President newly inaugurated cannot feign knowledge of the actual State of the Union or something like that. "The Democrat plan..." Yeah, we got it.
Graham, Bob: 10:32 PM ? no snide comments about the OCD notebook. 10:32:30 ? okay maybe one or two snide comments. Give it up, Bob and go fold the sock drawer or something. Then journal it along with the moment when you had a clear vision of yourself not debating Bush this year.
Kerry, John: Anyone remember Droopy the dog from the old Woody Woodpecker cartoons? Kerry's got his eyes and hang dog expression. I keep telling people that, assuming Droopy were to win the nomination, a Kerry/McCain ticket in November 2004 would make Bush start a new war just to drum up more support.
Kucinich, Dennis: Let's get this straight, dude, you're a vegan? America, embracer of the Atkins diet, because it allows you to eat red meat under the auspices of losing weight, is not ready for a vegan president. Isn't that kind of like a cult or something?
Lieberman, Joe: ZZZZZZZZZ, huh, was he saying something? He went along with the Republicans again, didn't he? Given his performance in Veep debates against the walking cardiac case known as Dick Cheney, we could assume that Lieberman would allow Bush to control the debates, and possibly give him notes.
Mosely-Braun, Carol: First female African-American Senator. That's pretty cool, but it won?t buy an opportunity to name a vice presidential nominee.
Sharpton, Al: It's hard to take this candidate seriously. Really.
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